I wish I was dead.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, Sep 10, 2009.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I wish I was so dead,my life is such a screw up waking up in the morning is so horrible why can't I just take the courage and end it.I have a strong feeling it's coming the next few day's,I can't see any point to this just can't it's over as hell end the suffering please.I'm just going to do aomething,whatever it take's and go to sleep permanently so sorry everyone I really am it's really gone.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey Ace feeling the same way these days wanting all the painto go away the saddness to end. I hate the struggle but i know its the depression rearing its head again and again. Somehow we have to get control of the depression with meds or therapy somehow try new meds maybe call therapist to make earlier appt. I want so badly to leave to go to sleep and stop all this crap when the time comes i hope my thinkings is not so distorted that i won't pick up the phone and call for help. We have support now Ace we have each other SF somehow if we can get depression under control they say its treatable maybe we will get our lifes back.. Don't give up hope yet there are new treatments and meds your worth the fight Ace really you are kind and compassionate and deserve to be happy too. take care
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello Ace,
    Please don't act on those thoughts, they aren't permanent.I remember you were doing well a while ago, what has changed?
    I'm glad you posted, keep talking if it helps x
     
  4. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    The emptiness.
     
  5. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thankyou all for your great reply's,I don't know know maybe the affect's of the med's have worn off like usual or they've just done nothing really.Maybe it's just struggling normally with depression and everything else so much,there are so many thing's I'm struggling with but I can easily just get so low and down like that which happen's.Everything is a problem and to be frank I can't be bothered with dealing with it anymore.Thank's so much Violet for your great word's of wisdom.

    I wish I could do more to help other's instead of being in this misery:sad:,I can go over everything so much list everything but I'd be here forever.Just a couple of real problem's,I'm concerned I won't get my job back because of ill health and time I've missed down the years,another thing I've lost my licence still for a while I'm struggling badly with all my condition's as much as I'm trying.Well I can keep listing thing's,basically I'm a screw up period,if anyone was to live in my body and mind they'd say also bang end it all asap there's no point to this.I wholesomely agree period.

    After year's of this shit I'm tired to death of it all,34 bloody years of constant shit that's right.This isn't life or living,I can't even mention the amount of time's I've said ok stay calm let's work on this nice and slow.But of course easier said than done with friggen depression.Family and alot of people have no idea at all,anyway I'm not going to sound like I'm on a crying crusade here.Just will find the courage to end this shit asap hopefully,i'm sick to death of this shit just fucken had a gut full I'd give everything I've got to anyone just to waste me away and do me and everyone else a huge favour please!!!
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    hey Ace i hope your emotions are a bit more stable Have you talked to your therapist about changing your meds to new ones out there. i am old now too and just wish i could go to sleep and not wake up. I can't i know that it would destroy too many lifes but i am so tired I hope you get a break soon and life throws you at least one or 2 postitve things your way. Please try hang on As i said you have friends here Ace and we would be so devasted if you did yourself in. I understand i reallly do this failure to survive feeling this total exhaustion but as i said depression is treatable please call doctor and get new meds please call therapist make appt let know where you are at please don't give in please
     
  7. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    It passes. That phase. Be strong!
     
  8. How is your life a screw up? It's hard to find things to live for... but sometimes just the thought that one day things will be different is enough to get me through.
     
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Ace: Just wanted to send caring thoughts, big hugs, J
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :hug: ace, I've read your reply...don't give up!! we're here for you x
     
  11. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    It doesn't pass sorry,I'm not meaning to be smart choose at all but after year's of this how can you believe it passe's.Violet I've recently started on lamictal again to see if it can curb my mood's,I also take a combination of zoloft and edronax,also Seroquel as well have been on that many meds down the years.I feel I'm a scew up because I'm 34 year's of age and nothing a real screw up that's all.Alway's made to feel shit by my dad,it's like he went out of his way to do it.

    I'm fat because of these bloody meds,I look like a pig now where do I stop with everything.If someone lived inside of me as I said,they too would think what the fuck am I here for?This is so pointless.I can go on about everything,but it will just firther convince people why I'm really so fucked uo and screwed up period.It's too late now,the damge has been done,I'm building up for my exit that's it anytime now will be fine I'm happy with that.I can't take this anymore,sorry just can't.


    Seriously how I see it just prolonging the pain isn't worth it,I've pushed for years the bloody agony.I tried last night catching up with a friend,seeing my Incle and Aunty to try and be distracted.I come home and bang in no time I'm so low and suicidal,feeling so guilty about everything.it never stops,never at all why am I deluding myself.I just stuff thing's up always,that's me the big fuck up.I just want to do myself in,thank's for all the nice replie's but I just have to build up the ball's and do this.The sooner I can the better off,then everyone can say good riddens and to be honest I don't blame them.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2009
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