I wish I was in a world where I could be open with my feelings without detriment

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Fdt, Dec 4, 2009.

  1. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    I'm almost 18, I've never been in a relationship, I've never kissed a girl, I've never held hands with a girl.
    I want to do all of these things so badly, but I know I'm lightyears away from it ever happening. I don't even know how to build a friendship with a girl, I find it hard enough doing it with a guy.

    I've recently built enough esteem to think that I'm moderately good looking, I dress fashionably and try to present myself (body language mainly) in a way that isn't ostentatious yet isn't too withdrawn. But none of that matters if I don't feel I'm worthy of a girl's attraction; I never go out with friends (not through choice, I just don't get invited), I don't drink alcohol, and to people who don't know me I 'feel' like I exude unsociability towards them, although unintentionally.

    I just want a world without mind-games, pre-judgement and having to go through a whole 'process' just to get to a point where I can express my feelings toward someone.

    I want to walk up to a certain girl in my history class (who I've only spoken to once, ever) and tell her she is the most beautiful, sweet, modest, honest girl I've ever seen, and how every time she laughs it sends shivers down my spine because it is the most adorable sound I've ever heard.

    However I know if I did that, while she is also quite mature for her age, she'd think I'm quite strange / some over-confident player who's not being sincere, because that is what most people would think and I don't blame her.

    But a random stupid act like that is probably the only way I'm going to get a girl, because I'm completely incapable of forming a friendship with a girl and slowly moving it on to something more serious.

    Sorry for the rant, I'm just venting frustration and hoping I'll be reincarnated into a world where I can just say how I feel and not end up worse off because of it.
  2. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    The way you describe this girl you like, if she really is how you describe her, I don't see why she'd ever act funny or anything with you approaching her and maybe telling her that you think you like her or something? What have you got to lose? It doesn't sound like she's much of a friend or anything, and she's a good person at least it sounds that way, so at the least, you'll gain a good friend and once she gets to know you, she might start to like you too?
    I used to be exactly the same almost, as you, except there was no girl in a history class haha. But I never had a girlfriend, well, thre was a complication but it wasn't really anything, I'd never kissed anyone, never drink since I don't really want to, but then I met someone and she made it really easy on me. She's really kind, honest, amazing. A really good person, this girl sounds like a good person too. It's worth a shot to try talking to her? Maybe try hanging out with her by maybe offering to help her with some homework or something? Cheesy I know, but it'll get you some time with her and you can at least start off a small friendship and start to build up to asking her on a date or something.
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I think you don't need to do anything irrational at all. You can start by saying a simple "hi" and smile when you pass them in the hall.

    It took me a long time to be able to say "hi" to people. :)
  4. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    Isn't it a bit wierd to say hi to someone that you don't really speak to that much? I mean I've passed her in the corridor a couple of times before and she didn't even notice me (her eyes didn't change direction at all) but I guess there is no harm in it, I'm just very conscious about how I act or what I say around people I like, even though it's completely unjustified, even if I see her at the end of the corridor I'll spend all the way there thinking what tone of voice I'm going to use when I say "hi" lol :)

    @Red Tears of ice:
    I don't think I really have in in me to ask her for anything that requires her going out of her way to speak to / spend time with me. And yes she is a very nice person, and even if she would take something so drastic in a nice way, it would probably be my self-conciousness that causes awkwardness.

    Our classes are 1hour 20mins long, and for the whole duration of that I'm completely concious of how I'm sitting, where my hands are, where I'm facing, my posture, facial expression, even the rate that I'm breathing in some cases, all because there is this girl that I like in the same room, even if she only notices me 1% of the time. I wish I could relax and just act/talk (if I could ever find something to talk about) like normal.

    But thankyou both for your replies.
  5. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Well then you don't have anything to lose at all, by just trying your best just to ask her if she needs help with something. You pay close attention to her it seems? So when it comes up that she needs help with something, anything, offer the help to her, the worst she can say is no. For all you know, she might like you just as much, which is why she only seems to not pay attention to you. It could be that she tries to not look at you much, or acknowledge your existance as she's too afraid you'll find out she likes you too. It's not defiantely the case, but even strangers pay attention to people they don't know, even if it's just a look or a smile.
    If she doesn't like you, then you should be a lot less self concious in classes. meaning you'll be able to concentrate better and work harder, therefore achieving the grades you wish. You have nothing at all to lose, so you might as well try?
  6. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    Thanks a lot, I'll give it a try on monday since in that class I sit quite close to her. I've tried to create spontaneous conversation before, but had trouble being comfortable enough to speak out, which I kind of find confusing, because I'm not exactly a quiet person, and I'm the one who is always most involved in class discussions and the like.

    Hopefully I just don't make a complete tit of myself, which carries quite a lot of consequences considering there is about 20 girls in my class (3 boys) and most of them are way above average is attractiveness :p
  7. blueburn

    blueburn Member

    Dude your like almost in the same boat as me. Only difference I'm 20 and held hands with a girl, lol that's about it.
  8. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    Turned out the girl I like wasn't in class today lol, after all that. But I chatted a bit to the girl she usually sits next to, who was very friendly. I'm thinking about the possiblity of maybe mentioning it to her friend that I like the aforementioned girl, I'm not going to ask her to pass on the message or anything like that, but I guess there's a good chance she'll mention it to her in one context or another. That should give me a chance to gauge her reaction to it if she found out, without having to confront her straight up about how I feel.

    Oh well, I guess the best I can do is keep on living and see where things go.
  9. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    Found out she has a boyfriend :cry2:
    You can delete this thread.
  10. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Well, at least you know and aren't left to wonder.
  11. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    Ah that fucking sucks. Too bad.
    You sound a lot like me :(
  12. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    Nah it is fine I guess, she's a really nice girl so it is cool that she has a guy who I'm sure is great.