Empathy Only I wish it didn't bother me

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

does anyone ever feel kinda traumatized from someone being angry at them/lashing out/using a nasty tone that said person would never normally use on you? maybe "traumatized" is a strong word, but honestly that's the closest I can think of describing how I feel. Haven't made up with the person yet and this was a while ago, but sometimes their nasty tone replays in my head and I feel so sick and anxious and almost like passing out at how horrible and unexpected it was. I'm terrified of them now, and I dont want to be, when they're normally the only person I feel totally relaxed and safe with. It's so horrible to feel like this, I'm scared I'll never feel comfortable with them again. I dont understand it at all. You couldn't pay that person a million dollars to speak to me like that normally, they would never do that for anything, I almost still cant get my head around how they could talk to me like that outta nowhere. I know anger makes people say shitty things and talk in horrible tones but...... I still cant feel better about it really almost like I'm in shock still kinda. I really want to clear the air with them but I feel like throwing up even seeing their name nevermind typing anything

 

[BlueGreen]

Oh yes @lost_in_a_fairytale . I got told off when I was 6 and the slow way the words were delivered still stay with my now (and I'm in my 50's). So sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like on top of the anger and nastiness, the shock of it from someone you felt safe with must have magnified it. I know people do lash out and regret it later but that doesn't help right now. Maybe take time out from them if you can but I would definitely discuss with them when you feel ready. Maybe they regret it and that will help you move on from it. If you feel terrified though, maybe that is a warning that they are not the person you thought they were? Trust your instinct and take care of yourself.

 

[BlueGreen]

Oh, sorry @lost_in_a_fairytale , I just saw this is empathy only thread. Hugs to you

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

Oh, sorry @lost_in_a_fairytale , I just saw this is empathy only thread. Hugs to you

don't worry, you didn't say anything triggering anyway

Oh yes @lost_in_a_fairytale . I got told off when I was 6 and the slow way the words were delivered still stay with my now (and I'm in my 50's). So sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like on top of the anger and nastiness, the shock of it from someone you felt safe with must have magnified it. I know people do lash out and regret it later but that doesn't help right now. Maybe take time out from them if you can but I would definitely discuss with them when you feel ready. Maybe they regret it and that will help you move on from it. If you feel terrified though, maybe that is a warning that they are not the person you thought they were? Trust your instinct and take care of yourself.

that's a relief someone can relate. I feel kind of pathetic for feeling SO bad about it still. Yeah, I've given them a few months space so now is the time I'm thinking I should try making amends - we never fight, this is very unlike us and we've never gone this long without talking, so I want to patch things up and reassure them, etc. It would definitely help me move on if they can show remorse! But yeah I'm scared to start the convo it's hard to know, my mind can play tricks on me as I get anxiety and can overthink a lot, so really I have no clue if my fear is valid or not it's a horrible awkward situation all round- the person who lashed out at me can get anxiety and overthink too, so I dont know if they're feeling anxious and avoiding clearing the air too from awkwardness etc or if they're still mad :/
thank you

 

[BlueGreen]

don't worry, you didn't say anything triggering anyway



that's a relief someone can relate. I feel kind of pathetic for feeling SO bad about it still. Yeah, I've given them a few months space so now is the time I'm thinking I should try making amends - we never fight, this is very unlike us and we've never gone this long without talking, so I want to patch things up and reassure them, etc. It would definitely help me move on if they can show remorse! But yeah I'm scared to start the convo it's hard to know, my mind can play tricks on me as I get anxiety and can overthink a lot, so really I have no clue if my fear is valid or not it's a horrible awkward situation all round- the person who lashed out at me can get anxiety and overthink too, so I dont know if they're feeling anxious and avoiding clearing the air too from awkwardness etc or if they're still mad :/
thank you

From what you say about them, it does seem like they might be feeling awkward. Try not to worry too much. I find it's best to act like nothing happened then if they want to talk they can or you can then bring it up when you know they still want a relationship with you. I'm so with you on the over thinking though - I wish I knew how to stop doing that too!

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

From what you say about them, it does seem like they might be feeling awkward. Try not to worry too much. I find it's best to act like nothing happened then if they want to talk they can or you can then bring it up when you know they still want a relationship with you. I'm so with you on the over thinking though - I wish I knew how to stop doing that too!

the person did say after lashing out that they dont want our friendship to end, but I overthink a lot and panic everyone will ditch me eventually, especially with how awkward it is now it kinda feels hopeless we have a very strong bond though so I dont think its totally impossible to fix, but yeah my anxiety is awful. That's the mindset I'm trying to force myself to have to hopefully make it feel less scary- pretending nothing happened. I really hate situations like this, I panic so much and get so upset and overthink like mad. It's awful isn't it