I wish it wasnt like this

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it seems that everything i touch falls to pieces.
im so lonely. and it hurts.

i wish i was someone else. i know exactly who i want to be. is that sad? probably. can i help it? no im afraid not.

i actually think im becoming an alcoholic. it just makes everything seem better. good stuff always happens to me when ive been drinking. for example i got off with the guy ive been in love with since forever a few weeks ago (if you've read any of my other posts and i wouldnt blame u if u hadnt, ull know the guy im talking about. well he split up with his girlfriend. its under It would be better if it was just over 15th July 2006, Crisis Forum if u fancy reading it). of course once ive sobered up everything is always worse than it was in the beginning. one of my best friends got off with the guy the previous night. some friends ive got eh?

i cant seem to enjoy anything anymore. when i get excited about christmas i always suddenly remember all the shit things that are happening to me at the minute. i wish i could go back 5 years and do everything differently. then i wouldnt be such a mess.
i wish i could just be this other person and not me anymore.
what should i do anyone? im so lost.
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