I'm sick, they don't know why or whats going on, they've been back and forth between saying I have something and saying I'm just fucking crazy. They're back to deciding I'm sick AND crazy because whatever I've got is supposedly messing with my brain.
I've been in counselling, it hasn't done shit. Regardless of what the hell is wrong with me, both my mom and my best friend say I'm emotionally abusive. The friend is probably never going to speak to me again. I sent an email asking if I could call her, and I don't know if I'm more scared of getting an answer or of not getting an answer. I don't deserve to be alive. The longer I'm here the more I'm going to hurt people. The world would have been better off if I had never been born.
I want to die so bad, but I refuse to kill myself in a location that will leave my family to find my body, and I can't really get out of here right now... I want so bad to change, I hate the person I've become, I'm totally worthless and I don't deserve to be alive. I've been in counselling, but it hasn't helped. My depression's gotten worse as well. The only hope I see for myself right now is getting into the hospital, but they're not going to take me... I have a psych. eval. mon., and even if they do, I'll only have 2 weeks before I've got to be back at school. Thats not enough time to do anything.
The last few days I've been too depressed to speak, I've hardly gotten out of bed...
I wish whatever the hell's wrong with me would just kill me and save me the trouble. I'm tired of sitting here while this... whatever it is... steals away my life and locks me away alone and steals my soul. At least if I'm dead... so is it.
Rae
I've been in counselling, it hasn't done shit. Regardless of what the hell is wrong with me, both my mom and my best friend say I'm emotionally abusive. The friend is probably never going to speak to me again. I sent an email asking if I could call her, and I don't know if I'm more scared of getting an answer or of not getting an answer. I don't deserve to be alive. The longer I'm here the more I'm going to hurt people. The world would have been better off if I had never been born.
I want to die so bad, but I refuse to kill myself in a location that will leave my family to find my body, and I can't really get out of here right now... I want so bad to change, I hate the person I've become, I'm totally worthless and I don't deserve to be alive. I've been in counselling, but it hasn't helped. My depression's gotten worse as well. The only hope I see for myself right now is getting into the hospital, but they're not going to take me... I have a psych. eval. mon., and even if they do, I'll only have 2 weeks before I've got to be back at school. Thats not enough time to do anything.
The last few days I've been too depressed to speak, I've hardly gotten out of bed...
I wish whatever the hell's wrong with me would just kill me and save me the trouble. I'm tired of sitting here while this... whatever it is... steals away my life and locks me away alone and steals my soul. At least if I'm dead... so is it.
Rae