I Wish It Would STOP

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by deftones250, Jul 27, 2009.

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  1. deftones250

    deftones250 New Member

    Hi I'm 15 years old and the other day I had 2 belts. I tied them up together and made a pretty good noose, and there is a bar near the shower head in my bathroom where I could tie the rope too. I wasn't too sure if it could support my weight, but I was willing to try. I put the noose I made around my neck and jumped off the toilet that I was standing on nearby but I was too tall and just landed on the floor. After that, I undid the noose and just gave up. I thought after that, maybe things would be different. I felt different for a while after that but as of today I am back to normal. I hate my school and my summer is just boring. I have been depressed since the beginning of 2008 and there have times, but not very many, when things were fine between then and now. Before then, life was great and I felt normal. I can't really tell what the FUCK happened, but I don't enjoy anything anymore! I try to but nothing is the same, and some days I'll just sit there and think about death, evil, clowns, child molestation, torture, tricks, rape and other things and can't get them off my mind. It tortures me for hours on end. On rainy days I feel murder is happening in my mind because of the gray atmosphere and general loneliness. I get made fun of a lot because I don't care about being cool. I just really wish my life would go back to the way it is in 2007 and before (you won't believe how many times I've said that line)...but I just don't know what to do! I have tried a lot of things and sometimes I feel like all of this because of some weird superstition but it's not...I just really don't know. Today I walked to the park, sat on the swing in the rain and stared at the bars and for a split second I actually saw myself hanging there from a rope. It was really scary, as if I had seen a ghost. Help please...
  2. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    welcome to the forum, i'm 15 as well so i can really relate.
    if you saw yourself hanging from the toilet, then your probably really paranoid that it would have happened. those kind of things happen when you're alone and have some time to think. you mentioned that you were looking at the metal bars when you had this flash back, maybe the metal from the bars had something common with the metal from the shower head?

    is there anything that triggered your depression, have you talked to a parent or trusted adult about how you're feeling? maybe you should start seeing a therapist or a consuler? i go to one occasionally, they help.

    sometimes when it's a bad day outside, weather wise, people get triggered easily to bad emotions. when it's a bad day you could listen to music, play an instrument, do something that makes you happy.

    if you ever need someone to talk to, please message me.
    i wish i would've seen this thread sooner :hug:

    lots of much-deserved love,
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you can talk with your parents about going to see a therapist for help.
    you are in alot of pain and saddness that need to be let out with a professional. Talk here let out whats bothering you so we can help where we can. Alot of us feel the same way but know talking about it does help.
    Can you talk with a teacher a councillor a priest anyone so they can help you.
    Before harming yourself call the hospital for help they will have a whole team of people who can help you. Social workers doctors nurses all who care and want to see you well and happy. If it comes down to harming yourself call the hospital for help okay and keep posting here. You are way too young to have to face this alone so please reach out to your parents or anyone you feel comfortable with get yourself help now okay so you can start feeling better.
  4. deftones250

    deftones250 New Member

    Thanks guys, I have mentioned this to my mom but she just yells at me and my dad doesn't take me seriously. They think I'm just going through a phase or better yet, trying to get attention.
  5. melatonin4000

    melatonin4000 Account Closed

    REEEEEHHH they all say that

    to be honest

    talking to parents sucks

    talking to friends sucks

    and talking to counsellors and hotlines sucks

    because none of them know
  6. melatonin4000

    melatonin4000 Account Closed

    additionally it is best to talk to people who know how it feels

    because they will know your pain and can really help

    and we will do our best to make you better

    and dont think that you will kill yourself to show them you're not being emo and attention seeking because that would be a waste and there is hope, and the hope is us :console: and :hug:
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your parents are in denial not knowing how to handle such issues. I still say you need to talk with a professional someone capable of helping you with your depression and suicidal thoughts. Your doctor could help you get support in place. Write a note to your parents and leave it with them and try to explain in writing what is happening and ask them in the note to please help you maybe reading it they will understand your pain. Sometimes parents just need time to get their act together to understand. Hang in here with us until they come to their senses and talk with your doctor okay make an appt. without your parents. your doctor will handle the rest.
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