Haven't been on this site in a very very long time. I'm so afraid of my dad. He hates me and yells at me and won't leave me alone. He asked me to call my college consuler today and schedule for next year. She told me what to do to schedule, but apperantly he wanted me to schedule right then and there. He said he will never take care of me or look after me again. He wants me out of the house, but he can't leagally kick me out yet. I want to cut so bad right now, but I'm going to my neurologist in a few days and she always checks. I really wish I were dead. He hurts me so bad, though never physically and my counslers think that it's all in my head. They don't think that he's verbally attacking me! He says that I'm selfish and that he's absolutely finished with me. My moms not much better. She hates me, really hates me. She loves my brother so much more and she really wouldn't mind if I was never born. she does care if I kill myself though- selfish. She hates all girls though- it's not fair. I wish I wasn't going to hurt myself tonight- I was so proud of myself for calling my consoler ( because talking to anyone is really hard for me) I've been diagnosed with so many things, and my dad hates it because now he has to pay for all of my medications and he won't buy me anything else ( not even shampoo) because he says he already spent enough money on therapy and hospitialization, and lots of pills. I don't blame him for wanting to kick me out- I cause him so much grief. But why doesn't he see the amount of grief he causes me. Every time I'm around him I want to hurt myself, but every time he is away I feel anxious and alone. He says he has to caudle my emotions and that it's not his responsibility to be nice to me all the time. But I think it kind of is! He's my Dad! He handels my roughly and never understands anything. He always thinks that he's right and I hope that one day he kills me. I really hope that he kills me. That way I don't have to do it, and he can be satisfied and in jail. I really really wish that he'd kill me. I hate my Dad and I want to get out of here. I needed to get this out, hopefully it will calm the urge to cut.