i wish my mom hadn't saved me

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by dreamwarrior, Mar 10, 2007.

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  1. dreamwarrior

    dreamwarrior Active Member

    it was 10 years ago that i tried to take my own life. i had gotten into an argument with my dad about the phone being cut off. it was a $3,000 bill that i couldn't pay. my feelings
    were that $3000 is worth it for me to have a single friend, a girlfriend even.

    4 hours later my mom found me on the couch. i remember thinking why am i not dead yet. sometimes i wonder if i actually am dead and this is the afterlife.

    nothing changed for me. i was diagnosed with cancer. nobody seemed to care. only one person called me. my gf and i dated for 7 years until she fell for another guy.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry that now one contacted you after you were diagnosed with cancer. that does not mean they did not have concern for you. When you hear news like that, you are hesitant to bring it up because you don't know what to say. It makes us face our own fears and that is not something that is very easy to do. I am glad you came here and expressed yourself to us. How is your treatment going? What type of cancer were you diagnosed with? Please share some more with us if you feel comfortable in doing so. We do care about the members in our community. Take care and I hope thinkgs look up for you. :hug:
  3. dreamwarrior

    dreamwarrior Active Member

    i had testicular cancer. surgery and treatment went well. i have anohter 5-10 years left in me before my body starts to deteriorate but perhaps less because my health has been very bad this year. i've been sick 3 weeks in the past 5 months.. everyone is pushing for me to be more successful, to open my own business, but what is the point when i will only live to 40-50? i dont want to start a family and end up leaving them either.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    No one is guaranteed they will live any set amount of time. Maybe in the next 5 to 10 years, more medical advancements will occur that can help you and maybe extend things another 5 to 10, or 15 to 20. I would encourage you to live each day to its fullest and not to dwell on the time limitations. Most often they are a guess anyway. My grandmother was given 6 months and lived 7 years. My dad was told he was cancer free and lived 2 months. You just never know. None of us do, so don't let it stop you from searching for the good things in life. Just a thought. you may take it or leave it, the choice ultimately belongs to you and noone else. :hug:
  5. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm really so sorry to see what you have gone through dw,I'm here for you anytime please talk to me mate I do care for you I promise to show you that.I'm so sorry don't give in please buddy,milansteve@yahoo.com.au.
  6. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    Thank you for sharing your self with us. Sometimes, its nice to expose your hurts to the air. How else can you heal?

    You never know. I soooo agree with Gentlelady that you never know what life will do for you. We never dreamed we can chat with ppl across the globe on a computer. mindboggling.
    I thought I could never have children, cuz I needed medications daily. BUT, I have a beautiful, healthy 3 yr. old son.
    Fear or Adventure is hard cuz we are humans, just think on it. You never know. :unsure:
  7. PoetMan

    PoetMan Well-Known Member

    Thank you for sharing, especially something so personal and painful.
    Your depression has a valid source, so I'm not sure the same things would work for you that work for me.

    Try not to worry about the cancer. Like the others have said, it's totally unpredictable. My brother was given three weeks and that was fifteen years ago. He's fine now. At any rate, you can't do anything more about it, so that means you can't accomplish anything good by worrying about it. We are all sick here. But one of the smartest things anybody told me to do is to stop feeling like a victim. You can't define your life by an illness, or it becomes your whole life.
  8. devil_sora

    devil_sora Member

    I wish my mother haden't saved me too...
    When I was 15...
    If she had not have put me in the hospital....
    And if she had not of got my dad to come get me ...
    Then I would have still been remembered as a nice girl...
    Since that time I have become slowly and slowly bitter...
    I don't like living... I have not liked being alive for 10 years now...
    So if she had not have saved me then, I would not have been put through more flames...
    Out of all the things hses done that make me hate her so much, saving my life is at the top of the list.

    -sora yori
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hey hun, I'm sorry your life has went the way it has. Life can be so hard sometimes. But i'm glad you found SF. And I can understand where you are coming from. I have yahoo and MSN if you want to talk on one of them, it'd be my pleasure. :) :hug: My msn is painNsiolence@hotmail.com and my yahoo is tha_cross_woman :)

  10. devil_sora

    devil_sora Member

    thank you, I will add you.
    have a nice day
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