how much im hurting inside i wish she would know how hard it is for me to get up and face people, when my mind is going on overdrive telling me how people hate me. i wish she would fucking stop moaning at me, all this makes me want to do is slice that blade across my skin. every morning something is my fault. every evening when she gets home from work, something is my fault. i wish i could get away, but then i dont want to get out my room. i just wish she would realise how much she hurts me. i wish she wouldnt dismiss me when i try and tell her how sad i am. i feel so dead today. and i know my mom is home in half an hour and shes going to go fucking mental at me for not going to college. fucking hell im not a child, i can make it into college. but i am ill, with whatever mental problem i have, and she doesnt get it. how i want to lock myself away from the world and slowly rot. how i want to keep cutting and cutting until i have nothing left to cut. how i would happily spend the rest of my life in my room away from EVERYONE. i hate this. and i hate her. when i think 'atleast i have my mom' she goes and fucks it up. she doesnt give a shit about me. she really doesnt. and it hurts to death.