i wish my mom would realise *may trigger*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meagainstme, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    how much im hurting inside :( i wish she would know how hard it is for me to get up and face people, when my mind is going on overdrive telling me how people hate me. i wish she would fucking stop moaning at me, all this makes me want to do is slice that blade across my skin. every morning something is my fault. every evening when she gets home from work, something is my fault.
    i wish i could get away, but then i dont want to get out my room.
    i just wish she would realise how much she hurts me. i wish she wouldnt dismiss me when i try and tell her how sad i am.

    i feel so dead today.
    and i know my mom is home in half an hour and shes going to go fucking mental at me for not going to college. fucking hell im not a child, i can make it into college. but i am ill, with whatever mental problem i have, and she doesnt get it.

    how i want to lock myself away from the world and slowly rot.
    how i want to keep cutting and cutting until i have nothing left to cut.
    how i would happily spend the rest of my life in my room away from EVERYONE.

    i hate this.
    and i hate her.

    when i think 'atleast i have my mom' she goes and fucks it up. she doesnt give a shit about me. she really doesnt. and it hurts to death.
  2. LittleSparkles13

    LittleSparkles13 Well-Known Member

    aww hug

    I know how you feel, so if you ever want to talk. Just pm me.

    I'll listen


  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I'm gonna get blasted for this but.....
    Have you talked to your mum about whats going on?
    Do you help her?
    Do you ever ask her how her day has been?

    I know she's your mum and mums can handle anything:dry: but she's also a person in her own right with all the same shit to deal with as everyone else.
    My son does nothing to help me. I love him dearly but he drains me with his take take take attitude and my constant worry about what he is and isnt doing with his life. Worry turns into snapping and nagging:sad:

    Not having a go at you hun, just asking you to step back for a minute and try walking in your mums' shoes for a bit. Might find you understand her a bit better and that would be good no?
  4. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    i appreciate what you're saying and i totally understand.
    but yeh, i really do help out.

    for example: i ALWAYS play with the dog. especially when shes crying at nothing. and this distracts her then shuts her up.
    but sometimes if im upstairs, suddenly my mom will shout ''WILL YOU FUCKING CALL THE DOG'' and the dog NEVER comes when i call her. then my mom is like ''FUCKING HELP OUT ABIT''
    she just forgets the times that i do help out...

    and i used to cook a meal for her every weekend. then it went to nearly every day. and now she just expects me to cook all the time. i dont mind as i love cooking for people, but she doesnt appreciate it anymore, she just expects it.

    she is such a bitch to me. my friend had a go at her before cus she was being so horrible to me:dry:

    i HATE her boyfriend. and i said can she not invite him over so much cus i wont sit downstairs and me and my mom never get any time together. but hes ALWAYS here. hes here during the day and he stops over all the time.

    so its just like before. me trapped in my room. and my mom doesnt care.

    she has the shortest temper ever and turns on me so quickly. if the dog barks, or the bus is late, or theres traffic, or she cant find something, or if next doors music is loud etc...its somehow MY fault. and i get to hear all her shit.
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ah, sounds like you're the only person she can be natural with..not a happy thing, especially for you.
    The one good thing in that is that that means she trusts you..that no matter what she does or says she trusts you enough to carry on loving her.:sad:
    However, thats no excuse for using you as a punching bag.
    Have you tried sitting down with her and voicing your concerns without arguing?
    If you keep your cool then she has to take on board what you are saying (once it escalates into an arguement people think they can ignore whats said).
    And she really should listen about the boyfriend staying over...it's your home too:mad:
  6. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    ive spoke to her MANY times.
    i had to really, especially those days when im on the verge of suicide, i dont need another push.

    but it lasts until the next thing goes wrong.
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Then best thing hun is to put everything you have into getting your education and then moving out!!
    I had no peace of mind until I left home. My relationship with my mother was so bad that nothing was going to fix it but distance.
    Upshot was I was out the door at 17, best thing I ever did.