I tried so hard to reach out. Its like when I do, people just run.. like it's a sign from God that he doesn't want me around anymore. I tried to tell everyone and I've had little luck. They don't want to talk.. like im just burdening them from the world. I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand being in a world where I have to beg for help, where I want to die a week before my 25th birthday. I knew that my life meant nothing when no one really talked about it, never called me, never said anything... I try to reach out to friends and family and it doesn't work. they're always busy... its like they put up this huge facade that they really care but end up not caring, heightening my expectations, thinking I won't do it. Well now, I don't even see the point anymore. Even on this site, I've tried to talk to people, sometimes I got a bit hostile but then I chose to be more reserved in asking for help.. it doesn't matter. I believe that God wants me to die and that is my purpose. To see how much hurt a human can take before they're no longer useful.. that is my purpose. My purpose is coming to an end and I wish it wasn't. I wish I was strong enough to see the age of 50 but even with my condition, I probably won't.