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I wish they'd understand me

#1
Some time ago, I became reckless and ended up doing many regretful things. I hated myself more because of that. But then, I did tried my best in changing and made an effort to fix everything. Yet, my mom kept reminding me of those mistakes, I usually would keep quiet and take it all in cause I'm used to it. But it still affects me, every now and then, I'd get aggressive and burst all my emotions. You'd think my family would understand my pain but they don't. She'd actually brush it off and scold me instead. She'll remind me of all my wrongdoings, saying that I shouldn't bring shame to our family and keeps pressuring me. I know talking back at her wouldn't do anything and instead make us fight even more. So, I always run away and say I have something to do. I'd keep all my emotions and force myself to be numb. And I'm so tired. I'm so tired of people brushing off my sadness, for not understanding my problems and I have no one to talk about this. I can't reach out to my friends cause I pretend that I'm strong and I feel I'll just be a burden to them. I think they won't understand me either and that'll just hurt me even more.
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#2
Funny, I'm completely fucked because my parents never pressured me. I guess parents have to strike a balance between pressuring and letting go of the leash. The optimal way would be to support the child but eventually dictate what the kid should do if the child just wants to stay at home and not do anything that he could put on a resume.
 
#3
Hi @Yohannie. Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry you're going through this.

It's great that you made an effort to better yourself and get your life going in the direction you want it to go. I often wish I had that sort of strength. I'm sorry you're mum is doing that to you. It sounds toxic. Does she realize you are struggling and is she doing it out of spite or is she just doing it out of carelessness? Maybe if it is the latter, you could explain to her how she is making you feel. Alternatively, maybe you could consider moving out and going to live by yourself or with other family members.

You also say you don't talk to your friends to avoid feeling like a "burden". I've felt this pressure before, and it is completely understandable. However, in reality, your best friends would most likely absolutely want to know whether you are struggling or not and I'm sure they wouldn't feel "burdened" by you. I think confiding in one of your good friends is an excellent option.

Also, do you have options for treatment, such as therapy or medication? Maybe these could help you.

Stay safe. I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs *brohug.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#4
Hi @Yohannie , welcome to SF. KindaOtiose said it all. ^^
Parents, or family in general, are not always the people who understand us best. They often aren't at all, because their judgment is clouded by their own expectations for us (or other personality traits). We don't get to chose them based on our personality. You can always count on them for some things, which is wonderful, and I'm sure they need (and love) you as well, but they don't have to be your confidant, your friend, the person who will understand your feelings without judgment, and that is very sad to realize and hard to accept sometimes.

I also understand how our brain can tell us that no one really cares, that we're a burden, and that it's best to shut down. Those are lies fed by depression. In reality, people appreciate you confiding in them, they like feeling that you trust them enough to talk to them, or even to help. Most people like to help others.
Talking with some of your friends, or just one, would be beneficial for you and for them, it would bring you closer, too.
Don't isolate yourself. I know it feels like the best thing sometimes, but it only damages you so much long-term.
Hope to see you around. We care for you. *hug
 
#6
Hi @Yohannie. Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry you're going through this.

It's great that you made an effort to better yourself and get your life going in the direction you want it to go. I often wish I had that sort of strength. I'm sorry you're mum is doing that to you. It sounds toxic. Does she realize you are struggling and is she doing it out of spite or is she just doing it out of carelessness? Maybe if it is the latter, you could explain to her how she is making you feel. Alternatively, maybe you could consider moving out and going to live by yourself or with other family members.

You also say you don't talk to your friends to avoid feeling like a "burden". I've felt this pressure before, and it is completely understandable. However, in reality, your best friends would most likely absolutely want to know whether you are struggling or not and I'm sure they wouldn't feel "burdened" by you. I think confiding in one of your good friends is an excellent option.

Also, do you have options for treatment, such as therapy or medication? Maybe these could help you.

Stay safe. I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs *brohug.
I've been giving my mom hints of how tired I am. I've been hinting on her that I'm not okay, I'm stressed and hating myself. But I can't be vocal because I'm afraid what if she'll just ignore it? I'll just hurt more. Being denied for something like that is too painful. The same goes for my friends, I also hint them saying I feel sad but they don't think it's serious. They think it's just something that goes now and then. That's why I hid it from them and pretended to be okay. I don't want them to judge me and say I'm weak. Also, because I kept pretending I'm having difficulty on telling them. Actually now, I've ignored all my friends and been silent for a while. I don't know what I'm doing. But I just felt so tired. I think having contact with anyone will just cause me pain. The thoughts of dying too are more often now. I felt it would really get dangerous which is why I ran to this forum. Because maybe, I don't know.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#8
Hi there - ignore your mom. She shouldn't be reminding you of ''wrong doings'' or things you'd rather forget and leave in the past. As hard as it is try and not let it get to you - she may never understand.

Use your mental health workers for talking about those things though and try and let your relationship with your mom be a daughter-mom relationship.

Is there any way you could move out or stay with a friend for the time being?

What is your professional support system like? I hope you have one *hug

I just want to remind you, we ALL make mistakes, I have made the most f*kd up mistakes one could make but I have learned to leave it in the past and not let it affect me now. We all have our regrets. Don't let them define you because you are worth more than your mistakes - always *hug
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#10
welcome to SF @Yohannie we are a peer community that cares but never judges. look at the different forums and post when you feel comfortable or you can go to our chat section if you prefer real time. what advice given already is sound and a good idea.

i raised 3 children and i never brought up bad mistakes in the past unless it was neccesary. basically if they wanted to do something that ended badly in the past i would remind them of it and tell them to do what they felt is best. sometimes they listen sometimes they didn't. once you are an adult you have to make your own decisions. and your mom shouldn't remind you of your past mistakes unless it's to help you think of something it will affect the present.

and as far as your mom understanding how you feel it may not be her fault. teens and early adults have a lot of issues which is normal. sometimes it's hard for a parent to distinguish normal issues and issues that require attention. try talking to your mom and sit down and be honest. if she still doesn't understand talk to your family doctor. he/she may be able to give you meds, schedule therapy and most important they can explain it to your mom.

and talk to your closest friends, let them support you now as you would support them. and please stick around and keep talking because we are listening. i hope things work out for you soon...mike...*hug*shake
 

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