I wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Failiure, Jan 26, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Failiure

    Failiure Member

    I am down all the times since august 2012. I had theses suiciadal thoughts coming now and than but this week I am almost out of shape. I just want to get rid of my life. I am a total failiure..... I don't know , I want to cry but can't , I want to drink but can't do it as I feel tired. I joined my school but since one week past by I didn't attend any lecture. I am F....g post gradute but didn't learn any thing. I can't find a job. .............................................................................. I just want an easy ending. That's all!
     
  2. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. i am the same way. my suicidal thoughts come and go as well. sometimes i SH to stop the pain, the thoughts, the suicide. if you are young, it's sounds so, do you live at home or do you have to pay rent somewhere? because if you live at home maybe you could find a cause you believe in and try volunteering. that sometimes leads you to finding a job you can enjoy, plus you get the good feeling of helping others. even if it's just trying to help others on here, that may make you feel a little better.

    i think you should change your name "failure". because you're not a failure, you are somebody who is lost, hurting, and sad...or maybe angry. maybe in a severe depression [have you gone to a therapist or psychiatrist for an evaluation?] that may explain some of the feelings you have. if you already are in therapy or with a psychiatrist tell them you are suicidal or have suicidal ideation [if you are afraid of going to a hospital, say suicidal ideation] but seriously if you are in the bathroom ready to do it, with all the tools at hand, please call suicide hotline. be safe. you have a purpose, you just haven't found it yet.
     
  3. Failiure

    Failiure Member

    I am alone in a student apartment, far away from home. I visited the psychiatrist 6 month ago but it didn't work. Now I am in another country and I am fully insured but I am really tired. Thanks for sharing and responding.
     
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your are not a failure. I am glad you have posted here. This forum helps everyone like you and me. Your are not alone. In life we go through tough times but together on this forum we can help each other. Please continue to post and share your thoughts. It's good to talk on this forum. Do not think your are alone and take care my friend. Respect to you.
     
  5. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    you mention tired a couple of times.

    i wonder if your nutrition isnt as good as it may be? i was the same and found a B12 deficiency as i always had poor appetite and vegeterian. regular injections fixed this.

    everything else can be worked on witb support...just by postinv here you are on righf road.
     
  6. Failiure

    Failiure Member

    Thanks incrises99 and mark b. I didn't thought I ll find such decent people online on forums. I wish the best for you all. I am not sure about B 12 because my diet is good but not normal, I dont want to eat.
     
  7. Failiure

    Failiure Member

    The guilt is too much, the suffering becomes unbearable. I dont want but I cant see the light. I promised my sibilings of many things and my parents that I ll nake them proud. Look at me I am 28 Now. I wonder how people live happily. No peomised been fullfiled, I let them down. I was feeded by parents till day. But when I decided no more support I ll make it myself now I see myself a real loser. My friends are far better than me, I am happy for them ... But I am standing nowhere....
     
  8. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    just breathe and keep telling us about how you're feeling. would you be willing to go back and see a psychiatrist to get an eval? or start seeing a therapist. it isn't the total solution and sometimes very disappointing, but are you willing to try? i know everything seems to be spinning out of control. running helped me for a while, until i wound up in the hospital and i haven't been able to get out there. meditation sometimes helps when i'm all wound up. and getting it out on here or my private facebook page where i get solid support. and feel free to let me know if you do not want suggestions or advice. i will totally understand if you don't.
     
  9. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are a decent person. We all look up to other people but sometimes we need to be ourselves and just think positive thoughts. I am glad you are posting your feeling. Nobody here will judge you but help you get through the tough days. I always have my lows but this forum helps me a lot. Take care..
     
  10. Failiure

    Failiure Member

    Thanks Annie K! No I don't want to go and see a therapist or a psychiatrist. I don't feel comfortable and I know they can't help me. I tired it. I feel severe headache now and spining. I am talking to family and listen to them, they are too caring. I am stuck to move on. I don't know , why things aren't working for me at the moment.

    I was raised differently, never learned to be independent. Feeded and taken care of all the times by parents. Now when I tried to be in the real word- to do it myself- I brokedown, since I am facing hurdles every single step I take. Now, I am unable to carry on.

    I just wanted to give a try here in this forum ....
     
  11. Failiure

    Failiure Member

    Thanks incrises! I am glad for you, that you went through it. That's awasome. Some times the people becomes your source of destruction, instead of helping or motivitaing you. They just double cross you, betray you.... and when there is time to motivate you, they will tell you go home and sit with your parents, you are not fit for this world.... In reality you will be doing all your best but things will not work out...........
     
  12. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    thx for continuing to share on here "failiure". i'm sorry but i get it. i woke up with such dread today that i just pulled the covers over my head and slept til 3. i don't know what the fuck i'm going to do. i'm spinning too. and afraid things won't work out , that i won't make it. just keep in contact with us here. we care about you.
     
  13. Failiure

    Failiure Member

    Commoooon! AnnieK , We can do, I hope oneday we will be in good shape. Last night I took 4 mg of clonozepam and after that I started to think a bit bettr and also watched and practiced some educational assignments. Then I fell asleep around 12 midnight but again in the morning I had no clue where am I stuck. I talked to my sister in the evening got advise and suggestion from her. But still I am a freak inside.... I don't know what else to say... but what the heck still I am thinking about job and the lifestyle which I had. I want it to be the same again and it's not happening...........
     
  14. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    thanks for the cheer! that made me smile [probably the first time in this shitty day]. well i shouldn't say shitty. i called a friend who helped "walk" me over to my therapist's office. i can't seem to get anywhere unless some one takes me and nobody was physically available so she talked me over. then i was able to meet a friend at a meeting [alanon] and walk home. i felt better. then my stupid ass boyfriend told me how the real world was and how if i wanted to succeed in a certain profession i had to be strong, and conniving and manipulative and take advantage of people. and he said, and you just don't have those things. you're too nice. and then my mood just plummeted! goddamnit i told him i was angry and did he think he was actually helping me and he said yes, the truth is what good friends say. and i said well then you must not be a good friend because you just tore a hole in me. damnit! why do people have such power to hurt me. i said to him, you realize i was told this my whole childhood. that you'll never amount to anything, she's not strong enough, she's a baby, too weak on and on and you say this to me now?! he kind of hung his head and said, no i didn't know i'm sorry. well i feel like fuck sorry cuz now i'm taking his words all in and turnign in on myself. well at least i had that one moment of hope today. keep writing. i'm taking 2 klonopin and going to bed.
     
  15. Failiure

    Failiure Member

    Sorry for my late respose, I was not in good shape. I am happy to see the status " That you feel friendly"..... I don't think I 'll make it.lets hope I write again in this forum. Because I am losing the battle big time! Yeah! that's it.
     
  16. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    i hope that you can hang in there. i had some terrible days, very bleak, very dark. and then something shifted and i came back to being a little bit ok for the past few days. every night i am afraid to go to bed because when i wake up the morning is the worst with suicidal or black dark thoughts about myself. i am thinking of you. and hope to hear from you. you're not alone.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.