I wish I had a button or a switch or lever or something. Something I could carry with me....and when the time is right, when this life has nothing left to offer, when there is no alternative...I could press it and a second later, all problems solved. No pain, no sensations. Gone. Everything just suddenly stop and end - taking the pain with it. Because if I had such a thing, I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever, I would use it right at this moment. I just don't want to live anymore.