i woke up crying, then fell asleep again, right after...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by The Scream, Feb 3, 2011.

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  1. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    i dreamt my mom was ill and she wouldn't trust me good enough to tell me what was wrong with her...

    i haven't spoken to her for a long time...

    when i was young, she always said i would be the reason if one day she'd get termiinally ill or kill herself...

    that thought always scared me... im still scared the reason of her death will be me :cry:

    altho, after all that happend... i don't like her... she's a bitch... i blame her for wanting to die too... she's a stupid *****... i hate her...

    i don't know, why i feel this way... :mellow:

    i don't know why i would ever cry for her...

    she made me cry a lot... she's the reason i feel like an orphan...
  2. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    you're anything but an orphan. you have friends, that you can call family, and they are family. so you shouldn't feel alone. :hug:

    as for the dreams, we dream things that bother us, that we miss, that we should deal with. you should deal with your fears.
  3. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    true... when i was living with my parents i hadn't any friends at all, since they were so protective i wasn't even allowed to get out...
    i'm glad i do now...

    but whenever i hang out with them or i go to their place and i feel the warmth... i don't have that :cry:
    and i never had...

    my group home mentor wants me to talk about it more... but im afraid thats only going to get me downer... since, the only thing to help me would be to feel warmth and to have a real home, instead of this... but that's probably never gonna happen, so i don't see why i should try...

    thanks for your reply Roro :shelbi: :hugtackles:
  4. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    shush, you feel the warmth when you're chatting with me, so ha! ;) :hug:

    hm, you should talk about it and face the fears with someone you trusts and you feel that you can tell him/her anything, that s/he won't judge you. and if that person isn't your mentor, don't share what you don't want to, might just make you feel worse.

  5. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    you're so sweet RoRo! :shelbi: :hugtackles:

    saturday we made a new appointment... sometimes i can honestly tell her how i feel, but sometimes i fail at it... talking about it gets me flashbacks... and sometimes i can deal with them, so i can talk about it openly, sometimes i don't have the energy to deal with flashbacks, so i avoid the topic... :shelbi:
  6. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member


    these things take time, and you should go slow, when you're ready talk, when you're not, don't. it's good that you're dealing with it. :)
  7. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member


    thank you for your reply, it means a lot =]
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