I wonder sometimes.....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Random, Jul 28, 2007.

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  1. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Well, let me start by stating that I've been borderline suicidal for a very long time. I've only ever actually attempted once. But I've thought about it probably at least once every couple of days for as long as I can remember.

    Last few years, the thoughts have only gotten more and more frequent. There was another suicide-themed forum I used to visit often. I never posted. I just read. I read off and on for several years, at least. I've lost track of who's who there. I kinda stopped going there when it became infested with trolls.

    But I was thinking about all of those people whose thoughts I'd read. Obviously, you can only ever really know a person so well just by reading what they've written but sometimes, I think it's easier to know a person by what they write than by anything else. what I was thinking is how sad it is that none of the people I've ever known who were suicidal and so unhappy were bad people. Most of them seemed like very good people, in fact. And I was thinking about how unfair it is how many complete assholes lead charmed, happy lives.

    But on to the main point. I wonder how many of those people are not here any longer? Is it right that they had to go because they couldn't find some happiness in this world - some reason to make it worth going on? What kind of a world is this that it alienates so many truly beautiful people to the point to where they'd rather die than stay and face life here?

    I guess what I'm saying (or asking) is it really us? We sure blame ourselves (well, a lot of us do) and everybody else does a nice job of blaming it all on us but is it really our fault that life in this place stinks so bad we don't even want it? Or is it the fault of those who make it unbearable?

    To be honest, I'm not sure what my point is here. I just wish there were a place where those of us who don't feel like we belong in society could be happy.
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