Sometimes I wonder how many people would miss me if I died right this second. Not the 'aw we'd miss you' that you get to force you to stay another day; but truly miss me. I really think that number is getting smaller with each day. Each day more friends are leaving, my family doesn't seem as close to me. Ever since my dad died I've watched my family not keep me in the loop. Do you know how much it hurts to have a friend tell you that she's learned something through facebook. I mean, come on family. Can't anyone just text me one freaking sentence. But, that'd be too much to ask for. Just like if I could keep my friends. I want to go up to every one of them and just apologize. I'm sorry I'm me. Trust me I hate myself too. Come sit with me and we can just rant about how horrible I am. It's ok, I'm totally fine with you saying horrible things about me, because I know they're true. Ah well I sadly can't tell them that. Instead I just force myself to smile like every other day and watch more people leave me. I'm waiting for roomie to decide I'm useless to and for her to leave. Everyone does. I just wish I was brave enough to leave forever.