i wonder

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Jun 23, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    will he be sorry when he wakes up to find out i passed?

    payback can be a pain if you have someone ask you to fix your dang car and they ignore you more times then you like then find out later you passed, perhaps it will force him to realize just how much they needed me.

    i have given him everything i can and he will now loose this land because i wont be here to make the dang payments on it.

    besides i am nothing but a loser and a unloved dove that has been forgotten and blindsided many many times,
     
  2. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    wow im sorry you feel low :( it must be terrible wanting to die as a form of payback to others. why not concentrate on yourself, how you feel and getting some help instead of how much pain you can cause to other people :unsure:
     
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    you know on second thought i could just up and move away. he would lose it that way too
     
  4. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    let me get this right..... you just want to hurt someone else?.... you don't care how you do it - whether it be killing yourself or moving away etc.... :dry: i suggest the moving away if you have to try either option. people have hurt me badly over the years but i find it unfathomable to carry out actions to intentionally hurt others... i hope you get past this ok susan :unsure:
     
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    sparkle, my brother would not care if i did pass because he is a dope head, let me drive a subaru with a bad relay in it and it quit on me today in the rain and storms.
    and i have asked him repeatedly to simply wire 2 wires together to fix my van and he ignores me at the same time taking advantage of me for free place to stay. he makes 14;75 per hour and gets paid every dang friday yet i borrowed 300 one time and 400 the other time to buy him a wood stove so he would not freeze and a tranny for his truck when he did not have a job, he said he would pay me back when he got his income tax refund but he didnt he spent it all on beer and stuff, now he used to help me out with food of 100 per month but now this month he decides he cant, and i am stuck with 2 huge payments and he goes and gets drunk everty dang friday:blink:

    so yeah you betcha i am gonna pay him back, heck if i move then he loses his place to live, might be the best thing for him if he has to pay 600 or 800 rent he might not drink it all up on friday anymore
     
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    you know i have let him take advantage of me so many dang times like that old saying fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me, well he has taken advantage of me too many times.. i am always giving into him because i have a caring heart and every dang time i get hurt.. so yeah i think its time to stop him from hurting me don't you?
     
  7. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    i think you can just ask him to leave. or give him instructions of places to find help. etc etc. but being manipulative isn't the way forward....
     
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i will just let God handel it.

    God sees everything he does so i will ask him in my prayers tonight to handel it and to forgive me for being so dang angry i just get angry and upset when i am hurt and lash out.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 23, 2011
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.