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I wonder......

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I wonder alot of times what makes me feel this way or makes me want to die. I have suicidal thoughts so often now. Walking down the street or even in class they appear. It's like a haunting that never goes away. Last time I felt in this situation I told my doctor and he freaked out and ended up telling my mom. So i have lost all trust with him, but my therapist has been pretty good with me, but I just have a hard time talking about it with her. I do not know I feel lost and alone while these thoughts keep intensifying.
Not always....I was diagnosed with schizoaffective when I was 15 been through alot since then, but finally doing better. Then last november started getting really suicidal and such, but felt better until now. To sum that up really quickly. These past few months have been really hard, not because of a significant event, but because I have just been feeling this way and it's like recently I've just preoccupied with the thoughts.
Sometimes we go through these kinds of cycles growing up. Suicidal thoughts and depression are usually the results of certain people or events influencing us, but some of it can be hormonal and may get subside after awhile. I was suicidal at age 16, managed to survive, and things have been steadily improving since then. I wouldn't say I'm all that much better in some respects, it's just that I think about things more clearly even under pressure, I'm used to my emotions and in better control these days. It would do you some good to find others who have dealt with the issues you're experiencing now, like-minded company helps.
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