I guess even through all the tough stuff of feeling so alone, at least it's comforting to know my existence doesn't even matter to anyone anyways. I don't matter to my friends; they'll pretend to care at first, and then eventually be like "meh, it's no surprise to me" anyways. The woman I'm head-over-heels for will probably be really relieved too; I won't be around to gaze at her from afar or stare at her and be awkward and shy around like I'm a creep or something. My family; to them I'm nothing but a spoiled brat and a lazy, socially-retarded asshole. All my family in Hawaii have already forgotten about me, except maybe some distant cousins, but even still... I never hear more than a few words from them. My nuclear family might miss me for a bit, but life goes on anyways. I'm less than nobody to people, even to me. I already knew from when I was a toddler that I wasn't gonna amount to much of anything anyways. I feel so bad right now... I just want to die, and I don't even know if I'll be able to wait until I take a final vacation to Japan to do it. I'm tired of everything... oh well, at least I won't be missed when I do die.