I won't make it. They will never be proud of me. My father doesn't speak to me. My mother tries her best. It doesn't matter. They will never respect me, they will never feel that I'm worth giving birth to. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to do anything and everything, absolutely everything, to try and make them proud of me - but it's all for nothing. I'm studying abroad at the moment. But I can't cope, I can't make it. And I can't drop out and go home either. So I don't know what to do. I really can't go home, I can't go home and show my parents that the only real thing I've tried I failed at. I just want to stop exist. But I don't have the courage to end it. But I want to, I really really really want to. I have a linen XXXX , just in case I would get the courage to do it. But I never do. I don't know what to do, I can't live but at the same time I'm to afraid to kill myself. Not of death itself, just the way there. Death would be a release. It would be the complete freedom. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I'm sorry.