I would give anything for a moment of silence in my head.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ImTrying, Sep 28, 2010.

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  1. ImTrying

    ImTrying Member

    I've heard that people feeling suicidal that reach out for help do not really have the intention of suicide. Well honestly I'm not exactly sure what my intentions are. I don't have the heart to tell friends or family that I want to end my life. I couldn't bare seeing the look in their eyes. So here I am on this forum, having a glass of wine and staring at my way out. I thought my heart would be racing or I'd at least be a little bit anxious. However, I simply feel nothing. I've cried the rest of my tears today and not sure where to go from here. I've read the Bible and asked God to send a sign that this isn't the end. I don't know if He did or not because I'm not really looking. I'm not even sure if I'm making any sense right now.
     
  2. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    I don't believe that reaching out means there isn't an intention. To me, it seems more like there's still a reason that they choose to stay, still some hope that they have left.

    Telling loved ones how you really feel is a very difficult thing to do. Have you tried speaking to anyone about these feelings before? A doctor or psychiatrist perhaps. Do you know what's causing you to feel like this right now? For a lot of people, just being able to let it out and be heard helps greatly, so that might be a good place to start.
     
  3. ImTrying

    ImTrying Member

    I have talked to friends in the past, but it's kind of like the boy who cried wolf. Now when I try to talk with them they kind of brush me off because they have the feeling that I'm only venting because I've never actually attempted it. I couldn't tell you exactly why I feel this way. I've had these thoughts when everything was going great, and I've had them when my life seemed upside down. I have had a facination with suicide for many years now. I've thought of every possible senario I could use, but I've never had the urge to act on it until recently. Why recently? I wish I knew.
     
  4. ImTrying

    ImTrying Member

    As not to contradict myself, I don't have the heart to tell them that I'm looking at my way out tonight. I haven't prepared for this before, but tonight has a different feeling. I see it, I can touch it, but I can't embrace it.
     
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