i feel embarassed or maybe ashamed to even post this, but im 25 at the moment, i have friends, i lead a fun life except besides for being the life of the party i feel like i have nothing. i graduated from college and i had a job for a few months and was laid off. i didn't think it effected me at the time but now i still do not have a job and i often do not even try to find a new one. i feel really depressed but no one notices or thinks im joking when i tell them i feel bad about myself..its like no one believes that i actually have problems. i just have no motivation left, i have no idea what good i am, i feel like failure, and maybe 4 months ago i started using drugs, cocaine to be specific, and going out drinking maybe 3-4 times a week. im to the point now where i don't really care if i happen to kill myself with my lifestyle but i don't actively try to harm myself..i just have an apathy towards my life. i consider that suicidal as i feel like i'd prefer to be dead over alive at this point. my concern or well question is , am i really depressed and don't realize it? or do i just have problems with drugs making me depressed..its really confusing and i have no idea where to begin to make my life happy again..which it was only a year ago. i don't mean to seem trivial..but please help me out. thanks. i just feel really confused and would like some opinions before i slip farther..