i would like some advice

[kenuffff]

i feel embarassed or maybe ashamed to even post this, but im 25 at the moment, i have friends, i lead a fun life except besides for being the life of the party i feel like i have nothing. i graduated from college and i had a job for a few months and was laid off. i didn't think it effected me at the time but now i still do not have a job and i often do not even try to find a new one. i feel really depressed but no one notices or thinks im joking when i tell them i feel bad about myself..its like no one believes that i actually have problems. i just have no motivation left, i have no idea what good i am, i feel like failure, and maybe 4 months ago i started using drugs, cocaine to be specific, and going out drinking maybe 3-4 times a week. im to the point now where i don't really care if i happen to kill myself with my lifestyle but i don't actively try to harm myself..i just have an apathy towards my life. i consider that suicidal as i feel like i'd prefer to be dead over alive at this point. my concern or well question is , am i really depressed and don't realize it? or do i just have problems with drugs making me depressed..its really confusing and i have no idea where to begin to make my life happy again..which it was only a year ago. i don't mean to seem trivial..but please help me out. thanks. i just feel really confused and would like some opinions before i slip farther..

 

[Sadeyes]

hi and welcome...you have been through a lot recently, so it is no wonder you are feeling this way. maybe seeing a therapist/pdoc who can advise you what options you have would be helpful...i have been in therapy a long time and see a pdoc and i know the quality of my life is by far better because of it...yes, there are many issues related to seeking and getting help, but they surely are less important than having a comfortable life...hope you continue to post and find support here; there are many ppl who truly understand what you are going through...big hugs, Jackie