I would like to eliminate whatever is beyond my control that doesn't go my way

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ldub20, Mar 31, 2012.

  1. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    And watch it suffer while it's on its way out. The things that make me struggle socially and with girls are what I am talking about. I can't make another person love me or make my social awkwardness go away. Nor can I make a girl dump her boyfriend or stop a guy from falling in love with her before I do. If I could make all of this crap suffer, there'd be a reason for me to live unlike now.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Try thinking about it from another angle though... Do you think girls would go for you while you're having thoughts of wanting to eliminate people because they don't do things your way? This is just my personal opinion, but the fact that you want what isn't in your control to suffer, could easily scare people off.

    I don't know if you've been through any type of counseling or therapy, but it might be something worth looking into. It could be helpful for you to talk these thoughts out with a professional, so they could give you some constructive ways of channeling your anger and frustration. They might also be able to give you some advice on dealing with social situations.
     
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I would SO like to rule the world too! An old crooner used to sing, "If I ruled the world....... every day would be the first day of spring.....every heart would have a new song to sing......." and everything in the garden would be lovely if we didn't have to cope with life the way it actually is, and people the way they actually are.

    But reality is, Ldub, that none of us are in control of this stuff - we can only find ways to mature into the confidence we need to navigate our 'matrix' - sorry, need to go now, but feel I have to post this and not discard it. Blessings and strength
     
  4. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I think he's been told more than enough times, by more than enough people that girls don't go for whiny, psychotic, depressed, paranoid, etc. Now, I don't know how many of those things you are, but I know that I, personally, am at least 3 out of 4. I also know that most of this forum is, as well. We're supposed to be compassionate and sensitive to each other and each other's problems. I think it's completely unfair to keep singling him out this way ever since he posted that thread in the relationships section. I don't see anybody else on here who is having relationship problems getting advice like: "Do you really think people like that kind of thing and you're not scaring them off?". And yet, every time the OP posts another thread, I see at least one person saying the same thing, in different wording, again and again. Yes, I get it. A lot of people don't like paranoid, depressed, whiny people. No one's saying that isn't true. But there are also a lot of people out there who understand social anxiety/awkwardness, depression, and even psychosis, and would still be with someone who is suffering from any or all of those symptoms because they know that the person is still a good person and that they're sick and can't help the way they are.
     
  5. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Can I point something out to you. You've said something that bothers me, but please bare in mind this is my personal opinon. You say make someone. I'm not too sure if it's the wording your using to tie in your point, but the "make a person" do a certain thing is something to be aware of. Making a girl leave her girlfriend or making her fall in love with you, isn't love or passion really. Well, I suppose the leaving the boyfriend thing could be, but look at what you're touching with. Love is.. well, I just think it's something to be aware of when love is used to take something away from someone else. Like how you used wanting to make a girl you want dump someone whom she is in a relationship with. <-- that sort of thinking is a bit. Well that's personal choice :) But if i could offer a suggestion the next time you want what someone else has, try to appricate what they have, and not want to take it away from them, even if it isn't as "important" as what you want or are feeling. I just mean, the feelings you harbour inside, should not be used as a justification to go around making people fall inlove with you or interfering in other peoples relationships. I don't really think you'd do that anyhow, but it's more the thoughts im gearing at. Or perhaps the way they're coming out. Just becareful how you say things sometimes. It really does affect how you feel and think inside now,and later on.

    As far as the social struggles go, maybe talk more about them in detail, people will give you their points of view on how they deal and see things. The thing is, needing to belong or feeling loved is a very powerful thing, and it can stop you from helping yourself. It can stop you from even seeing the things that are causing you distress because you're focusing on that need to belong, instead of the reasons for why you feel that desire to "need to belong".
    Idk, just remember you. This watching something suffer? Those parts that you feel deserve to suffer, perhaps don't need that. Maybe they just need a little due care and attention.
    But in the in the end, love is a precious feeling. You should never make someone "love you" (nor do I believe you truly can, it's just a restrictional choice, not real love) nor should you go into someone elses relationship and mess it up because of your feelings. In a flip contrast, what if you were in a relationship and someone fell in love with your lover and decided to interfere and cause her to "fall in love with them".
    I can understand where you're coming from, but don't let it consume you. Ground yourself to something because this route will drive you nuts and whittle down parts of you that are precious, which will inevitably take away a part of you that someone might come to love as a part of who you are. Which is a significant part of any relationship and love. It's not in the writing per say, it's in the person.

    It's just a personal opinon. But I do understand you're frustrated as hell. Keep your head up matt, give yourself time to be you and just try to relax your need. The more you can talk about the things you think are insignificant, the more you can deal with the larger picture problems that are plaguing your mind. And for whichever reasons, tormenting your feelings.
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    AsphyxiateOnMisery~ My reply was in reference to his wanting to "eliminate" people. When a person is having thoughts of wanting to hurt or kill others, it's time to seek some professional help. I wasn't singling anyone out, or referencing his depression. Social anxiety/awkwardness can be a part of life. But there's help out there via counseling and support groups, that can make the person's life easier for them. If a person isn't happy with their life and wants to improve their chances of finding someone, they may have to take steps to work on themselves and make some changes.
    This isn't something I'm going to debate further in this thread. If you have a problem with what I said, drop me a PM.
     
  7. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I didn't say you had to debate anything. I was just making a point that people have said similar things to him already, and I doubt it's helping him any. Also, the way he wrote that post didn't sound to me like he was serious about hurting anybody. I want to eliminate the entire human race, but I'm not about to actually go and try. A lot of people want to hurt others; doesn't mean they're serious about it.

    You say there's help out there as though it's a guarantee for a cure. If it was, I wouldn't still be here 4 years later in the same place I was before.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 2, 2012
  8. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Dubby, until you address some issues, or miraculously come to your senses, you will be in this predicament for a long, long time. Quite frankly, saying you want to eliminate things that don't go your way sounds like a statement a spoilt 5 year old brat would make. You cannot control external factors, you cannot control people. The only thing you can control is yourself. You can kick up a fuss and scream and shout and manipulate things and people until things do go your way, but it does come with consequences. Lets just say for arguments sake you do get a girlfriend. What if she does something you don't like does things that "don't go your way". Such as going out with guy friends, seeing friends you don't like, spending time with her friends and family instead of you. What will you do then? Control her? Punish her because she does things you don't like? Sorry Dubby but with your current attitude I am glad you can't get a girlfriend because I would hate to see the consequences.

    You will keep getting the same reply from members until you acknowledge that these issues are yours and yours alone. Not the world's, yours. And the reason you keep getting the same reply is because you continuous deny any responsibility and don't listen to good sound advice given to you. Before you try to control the world, control your own behaviour first.
     
  9. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear AsphyxiateOnMisery,

    I respect your opinions and appreciate your insights. Thanks so much for supporting Ldub20 (Matt/Dubby) whenever he is reaching out. I value your contributions to his threads. :biggrin:

    However, I admit I'm a bit confused here. If I recall correctly, a few of the OP's threads have drifted off into debates, and this thread isn't in the Soap Box. :unsure: My only concern here is that I would hate to see this thread become focused on a scorecard - e.g. whose opinions and advice are right, wrong, better or worse...or what is opinion and what is fact, who just proved their point, the list goes on. Most importantly, though, I recognize that these posts are all made with good intent; please know that my intention is not with malice, nor am I open to an off-topic discussion. But, I would appreciate it so, so much if you would be so kind as to refrain from publicly engaging those who hold dissenting opinions. My reasoning is that we are individuals and are going to hold perspectives that are at variance with others', which is awesome! I guess what I'm trying to say is as such: I have my doubts about whether within Ldub's thread is appropriate for discussing the aforementioned as such.

    Last but not least, it's a pleasure to meet you! :shake:

    :twocents: P.S. Just my two cents above; if you would like to discuss this further, my PM box is open and I'd be delighted to get to know more about your line of thought! Just not within this thread. :)

    Now back to the main topic: Dubby, I feel for you. Sorry things are this way for you at the moment, and I sincerely hope you are continuing to take all of the suggestions here to heart...big hugs. :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 2, 2012
  10. Pasta08

    Pasta08 Banned Member

    This.
     
  11. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Okay, I agree with speedy. I don't want his thread to be moved anywhere other than where he wanted it to be. I just ask that people try to be a little less blunt when they say things because such things can be perceived as hurtful to some people, especially in mere text when we can't see body language and can't hear tone.
     
  12. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    You got a point. But I likely can't follow your advice alone. Are you asking to me to change the way I react to things? Like appreciate being single or watching other people succeed where I wish I could? If so, death it is.
     
  13. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Why do you need someone is the question you should start trying to re-look at Matt. This ways not good. That comfortabiity with who you are and other people around you will come if you start dealing with your desire to need someone. Just my opinon.
     
  14. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    You got a good point, but if you are asking me to appreciate my loneliness, it'll fall on deaf ears. Watching other people succeed and being lonely at the same time is for Iolani football players and egotists like Rex Kamakana, not me. The only people who deserve this kind of pain are egotists with a sense of entitlement!
     
  15. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Ok .. well to be fair youre just dismissing my point, I've read that before :( But I can get that. What I'm trying to say is, that for the things that are making you feel like crap, you're telling yourself on some level that you need something. It's defiantly not someone unique, it's something. That something is completely dominating how any normal apprication for somoene is going to develop. Im unsure if you need someone to help combat "loneliness" or something else, but in the end, that need is really getting in your way. Maybe if you talked about the reasons for why you need someone you might be able to find some more connections in life that give you that "need".

    It's my honest opinon, you're feeling like crap because you need something, and alot of things around you are brushing up against that need and making you feel hurt. There are honest ways of dealing with this, but .. you kinda have to work at it. Jumping to those ways will only make you crash, but if you do things gradually perhaps you'll be able to calm the effect of your need on you, and enjoy spending time with people more. Which leads to relationships, which leads to.. however things go. I don't per say think you should appricate your lonliness, that's contrasted to not being lonely, which will only make you feel down at this time. I would say appricate the things outside of relationships, and then perhaps re-evaluate what you think a relationship is. And especially what a person deserves, be it for yourself and any potential partner(or not).

    Regardless, keep your head up :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 4, 2012
  16. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Ldub maybe you should get a puppy.

    It will teach you how to care about/look after other living things-- you might think you want that but I'm pretty sure you have no idea what it's actually like. So yeah, practice caring about other people with an animal. I know for a fact that there's a certain kind of girl who is really into guys who have puppies… it shows that you have a good heart, and a lot of really nice girls are drawn to that.

    But don't get a puppy if you're not prepared to look after him/her for as long as it lives-- and yeah, that means maybe 15 years. Maybe you could try with a fish or even like a cactus or something first… though those things tend not to attract women so much.