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I would love some advice...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by skyisburning, May 27, 2010.

  1. skyisburning

    skyisburning Well-Known Member

    I became friends with a guy last fall through a friend of a friend, and at the beginning of this semester I managed to get his number and we started hanging out some. He's an EXTREMELY shy and reserved guy, so I didn't expect him to text very much (which he didn't, at all)...but he invited me out to party or hang out with his friends really frequently, at least once or twice a week. And when I went, I was usually the only girl there, so it's not like this was common.

    Well, I developed a little thing for him over time, and decided to be ballsy and tell him. He came over so we could talk and he explained that he just wanted to stay friends for now (an answer that was sort of confusing anyway)...but it seems like after that he was even a bit more distant. After that incident, I hung out with he and his friends maybe 2 more times and then, literally overnight, he started ignoring me. And I mean, he left me a nice friendly voicemail on a Wednesday night, and by the next day just started ignoring my texts. I sent him 5 texts over the span of 2 weeks before I gave up......and I've never heard from him again since.

    I've told this to all my friends, and even my mom, and no one can make sense of it. Can you? I mean...he didn't hate me, so it doesn't make much sense. I think I just freaked him out and he probably didn't know what to do, so he ignored me....and now he's embarrassed. That or he's just a dick. It's really frustrating though because he has never given me any inclination that he disliked me in any way....especially not as a friend.
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    As an EXTREMELY shy and reserved guy, I can assure you that you panicked him pretty good, but you did nothing wrong. I can't help you for fixing it, though...
  3. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Yep. Likely scared him away with your emotional confession of premature "I like you" etcetra, which women are guilty of doing too early, and then get confused when their interest becomes distant and eventually they don't talk anymore. This guy apparently didn't feel as close to you as you felt to him and he didn't know how to confront you without feeling like a jerk. So he just dove off.

    Advice: Don't like guys before they feel that they're close to YOU, and don't mouth-off about how much you're into them before you know for sure that they're into you first. Unfortunately, many (not most or all) guys are immature and will ignore and avoid you to avoid the guilt in telling you, "no, sorry, I don't like you back, this is awkward now, so bye."

    Yeah, best to just leave him alone and look for new prospects! But don't burn the bridge...if he wants to be friends, let him contact you. If not, don't worry about it.
  4. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    He's just not that into you.
  5. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Telling him *ever* may have been too hasty. He might indeed be into you but not know how to handle the situation, and now it's gotten worse because he has to handle both you liking him and the disappearance...
  6. skyisburning

    skyisburning Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all the advice...

    To be honest, though...a lot of my friends just think he's gay. He's never dated anyone before (neither have I), but he either has problems with physical contact or he keeps his distance from girls because he doesn't like them. Who knows....I've given up trying to figure him out.

    I don't care if he doesn't like me...or if he likes guys...or anything....my big issue is that he just ignored me so abruptly. That's a really, really immature and rude thing to do (for future reference, any of you guys out there reading this). I would have preferred being told to "fuck off" than be ignored...
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I don't suppose he'd care what gender anyone was if he were gay. Being scared of women is something for shy, straight guys to do.
  8. Fdt

    Fdt Well-Known Member

    He sounds the complete opposite to every gay guy I know, from what you've mentioned.
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmm maybe he just wanted a friend and was scared of rejecting you and making you feel awkward around him. I can say that I do not like rejecting girls because I know how much it hurts.

    You can take the road that maybe he was not expecting a girlfriend. Maybe he expected some sack time with no commitment. Your confession walked into undesirable realms.

    I wish I could tell you.
  10. chrs75

    chrs75 Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure how this relates to the overall situation but, as he hasn't dated before, he might not have problems with contact or relationship stuff , but is just not used to them and may find it easier to avoid those sorts of situations.