Ever... But what do you people do to stave off the feeling of wanting it to just end? Let me give you the short story... My nannas and my mom have been the most important women in my life, aside from my current fiance. The past 90 days have been hell. 1st. My uncle commits suicide in my apartment complex. 2nd. My grandpa dies 3 weeks later of cancer. 3rd. As a result of this my nanna sinks into a deep depressions and wont speak to anyone. 4th.. 1 month later she dies of cancer..(this past friday.) Through all of this my fiance has been there for me... But we had issues before all of this... And now she is continually asking me if I still care about her, or if I have someone else, and blah blah FUCKING BLAH...the same petty shit we argue about that doesnt make sense. Am I crazy for not having an interest in wanting to be lovey dovey?!?! Am I crazy for trying to sort out is this is all a dream? For a little while she will pretend it is all ok....then WHAM out of no where shell start in on me.... I can describe how important my grandparents were too me... they took me in....I..I just dont know. I'm rather eloquent at times, but I can not fashion into words, how much this hurts... Yet......ever other second I have to hear..."I just want to know that I am welcomed in your house." My fiance is the first woman in my entire life i've ever given a key too. She comes and goes as she pleases.. My uncle seems to think she is trying to compete for the same level of love.. All I know is that I've thought of suicide more and more this past year.... then my uncle in law(Step grandfathers son in law) kills himself and leaves us to find the body a week later. I think it is a selfish thing to do and I would ever do it to my family... But I have to find a way to stop thinking about it . Any help you guys can offer will be appreciated.