but A) I don't want to burden anyone else with my weakness and, B) Ironically, I am afraid that anyone I would tell would overreact and have me Baker Acted (which I do not need, I am in no imminent danger), which would ruin my future plans because what I want to do asks for mental health history. [Begin rant] So clearly I don't want to die, because I have those future plans that I don't want to ruin. Yet, I don't know how I'm going to get there when I feel so empty. It just consistently feels like I'm not worth anything to anyone. And I don't know how I'll have the strength to get through this when the person I knew with the brightest future took his life. If he can't make it, how could I? And, yeah, I can count four people who actually want me to stay alive. Four people who I would break irreparably. And clearly I don't want to do that. But, like...how do you not? How do I counteract this? Furthermore, should I even bother? My health is probably going to kill me young anyway, and I don't really have the ability to change my lifestyle enough to make a difference in that. What difference does it make to stop the suicide if I just die young anyway? And let's be clear, if suicide happens, it happens. I would never choose to die. If it happens it will pretty much be involuntary. It just seems like, if I don't want to be more of a burden than I already am, then this is inevitable. I just...I don't see how I can escape this.