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i wouldnt even read this

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by idcanymore, Jun 9, 2009.


which way 2 go

Poll closed Jun 12, 2009.
  1. n

    1 vote(s)
  2. k

    0 vote(s)
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  1. idcanymore

    idcanymore New Member

    hi names todd
    age 19
    job military
    i dotn know where to start because ive never told any1 my crappy life
    but when i was first born my mom ran off with me and then took me back to my dad when i was in kindergarten becuase i was a problem child my dad araging alcholic racist perfect example of redneck always told me 3 things
    1 ya your where planned but not by me
    2 quite crying you look like a fagot
    3 do you like how you look honestly cause i can tell you now i dont and im your dad... atleast i think so (refering to me being fat)
    the whole time sucked so bad beig in skool i failed KINDERGARTOON MUTHERF*&^ING KINDERGARTOON!!!!!!
    my mom was a drugie and a ***** who died when i was 10
    and all my dad could say to me is shit happens son.
    i moved about 13 times so everyyear i moved making no longterm friend and no girlfriends
    dad was in and out of realtionships a new stepmom like every 2 years
    each1 didnt like me for some reason
    and finally when i turned 17 my aunt went to jail for being basically my mom and she left with 4 kids with no1 willling to take care of them 2,3,15, and 17
    i told my dad what i was going to do (PS GOT MY G.E.D.) and he throw hes beer bottle at me and told me all the stuff he uasally says and does when he gets drunk and i left to take care of 4 kids working 3 jobs till i turned 18 and joined the navy
    when my dad droped me off to go to basic all he said was bye fagot.
    when i graduated he wasnt there and now im deployed over seas checking my email every day and myspace and mailbox in my entire carer ive goten 5 letters 2 from grandpa and 3 from bill collectors.
    and finally it hits me im the problemi was always a loner underachiever cs at most never good with girls im not gay or anything but it just doesnt seem to work, always get some done great and ill just fuck it up with something else and what makes it so shitty is everyday i go to sleep i cry thinking about how great it would be if i just got in a car today and rame a pol or a truck and got killed i cant describe how shitty i feel seeing other couples ask me to be the 3rd wheel its like the feeling you get when you wake up and its really cold you body just shakes and its horrible i look at my mailbox for 3 hours and all i end up doing is talk to people who i dont knoww whoo spam email cause no1 else will i dont fuck it this is way to long of an intro.
  2. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    Hi Todd

    :welcome: to the forum - it is a prolife forum and we won't give any methods or encourage suicide - so the poll will be closed...

    I'm sorry you have had such a difficult time... There are lots and lots of people to offer you support here and hopefully you will be able to make some good friends :hug:

    I'm always about should you want someone to talk to :)

  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hey Todd,

    I'm sorry you've been through so much!!

    You can PM me if you ever feel like talking! There are a lot of great people here, and I'm sure you'll be able to make some friends.
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Welcome Todd!!!!

    We are here for you even if, :poo:
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. I am sorry to hear you were treated the way you were by your father. You survived and now have the chance to turn things around. I hope you are able to find things about yourself you can be proud of. Getting your GED is one of them. :hug:
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Todd...GED, military...this does not sound like a loser to me...you would be surprised how one can get through an horrific past (I know first hand), but it has to start with caring and protecting yourself as you have others...thank you for your duty to our country...please PM me if I can help in any way..all the best, J
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Todd,

    welcome to sf.
  8. Squid

    Squid Member

    I can relate to you Todd. So very much. My mom's husband sounds a lot like your own father. He's always drunk and is such a bigot when it comes to race, I can't stand him. Doesn't it make you angry? I know I get upset when he makes racist remarks, even if I don't know the person he's referring to. He always talked down on me, even when I was a little girl but I'm a stubborn thing and always tried to prove him wrong. That's really all I have to show for my battle against him, and even that doesn't feel like much sometimes. I think it's really noble of you to be willing to take care of those kids. My little brother is 14 and was too young when my parents divorced to even remember a time when they were married, but he's a good kid. I love him like he was my own, and just to see him smiling and happy is enough for me to keep going. At the same time, I consider him my responsibility and I try to make the best for him that I can, and that's stressful. I understand. And I'm a third wheel all the time too. Nothing makes me feel more alone than having to pretend to be happy around two people who are madly in love. I'm glad you came to SF. I'm barely a day old on this site but I think you and I have a lot in common. I can't relate to everything you're going through, but I can try if you're open to the possibility. At least having some common ground will make it easier, right? Hope to hear from you.
  9. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    Yo Todd you are a ****ing hero. You could've become your dad but instead you took responsability. Nobody is perfect, you have had a hard life. I have had everything handed to me on a silver platter and I feel like i'm more likely to end up like your dad than anybody else in your story. The Navy! look back at your story and realized how easy it would have been for to give up. You are no way a failure, I considered this an inspiring story. This is my opinion.
  10. NotSureAnymore

    NotSureAnymore Well-Known Member

    I agree with everyone. You didn't turn out like HIM and that should be looked at as one hell of a positive hon. Welcome to the SF. xxx
  11. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF Todd.

    :hug: xx
  12. idcanymore

    idcanymore New Member

    idk i just cant stand see explain it anymoremim just paranoind and always think the worst of situations.
    i just cant do anything anymore just overwelmed the only time i tryed to think all i think about is im becoming more like my father and i just hate it
  13. Squid

    Squid Member

    You should maybe write a list of all the things that set you aside from your father. I'm terrified of becoming like my mother, but when I sit down and can actually hold a list of things that make me different from her, even down to our different eye color, it makes me feel like I have solid ground to start from. Hopefully it helps you too.
  14. idcanymore

    idcanymore New Member

    the only differnce between me and him are slim hes an alcholic, rasict, and agressive attitude .
    i think im so scared to be him i dont even socilize i end up very anti social and alone im pretty much the only guy in my squad that doesnt check his mail cause i know theres nothing aboslutly and totally alone and when i go home no ones there waiting for me i just cant stand it.
    Just wake up everyday and i dont even want to get out of bed im totally out of motivation to work or live i just cant explain it i even did an online myspace and its rare if i get a message i just end up playing games online till someones online and i message them and totally nothing its like i someone on the tv to them not real im just transparent to them my family and the world.
    i know its sounds drawn out and overexagerated but its just the way i see things from my looking glass.
    the way i see it if i died today working at a guard post no1 would even noe and when they hear about it wouldnt be surprised or even care.
  15. possessednomad

    possessednomad Well-Known Member

    Dude, that's a hell of a start!

    Sounds like you're a cool guy - you're in a well-respected job and seem like a very decent person.
  16. Squid

    Squid Member

    It seems to me like those are pretty big differences though. They may be small in number, but think about how much better off you are that you haven't become an alcoholic or a racist. Where are you stationed? If you're in the US, I'd be happy to send you letters.
  17. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Todd...You will have support here and will make friends..This site rocks!!!
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