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I wrote my own obituary, is that strange?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by goingtodiesoon, May 25, 2010.

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  1. people always say it will get better, get therapy, try antidepressants...well things never really turn around, therapy makes me feel worse, and antidepressants just make me fat. i have waited (hung on) for years and nothing really gets better. so i made my decision that i will go on my terms, but in the mean time have been praying for cancer so i wont have to do myself in. why do nice people die of cancer when they WANT to live and they dont deserve it?

    so i got my living will a few years back and wrote out my obit last year and gave it to hubby to keep in his drawer. he pretty much laughed and rolled his eyes. nice caring guy, huh?
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I don't think it is strange at all. I have a "date" that keeps getting moved and know I have one just to make me feel as if I don't have to take all this crap if I don't wnat to..that I have an out.
    I think your husbands response was just due to nervousness...others don't really know how to react to us which is why I say be careful about leaning on family too much with suicidal thoughts and stuff...just too intense for them I believe.
    Well we are here for you and we don't get scared off by that sort of thing...keep posting so we can support you and help you through this difficult time.
    Feel free to PM me too
    Hugs Bambi
  3. i know what you mean. my "date" has also come and gone several times...the first time i voted, i just had to "wait" and see if obama got elected...it couldnt be sunny...it wasnt the right day of the week, i didnt want to be on my period when i died (yes that one is silly but i didnt want anyone to think i was being irrational) but then guess what? i started getting it every 2 weeks! because i read somewhere that women are more likely to suicide while menstruating and i want to be the exception. so in order for all my "rules" to coincide correctly, it has caused the delay several times...
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    That is me too! I get really down and hormonal which has resulted in me getting very suicidal a certain times of the month...sometimes it sucks being a woman it really does. I have yet to find any relief from this symptom have you? I am like you though I don't want it to be an emotional or hormonal reaction so keep moving my date. Funny thing is that i am pretty damn stable but having a date helps me feel okay, probably a bit unhealthy but I am doing my best and thus far I have moved my date like three times. Like I said it lets me know I have an out and that I am not trapped here.
    Are you getting any support and/or help with your sadness?
    I was in therapy but seem to use this place instead now for that sort of support. I am on meds and would prolly be dead without them..
    Well take care, be gentle with you and feel free to write anytime.
    :arms: B
  5. i dont think being hormonal has much to do with my wanting out. i just dont want it to LOOK like it did when the time finally comes. like i said before (in other posts), i made my decision a few years ago and then the obit in 2009 so this is not a rash decision. i have been thinking about it for a very long time. i say things keep putting it off, but i suppose if i was that desperate i would have done it by now. i think the fear of failure is what's really holding me back and causing me to make all these excuses. i dont want to wake up and be told what a stupid thing i've done, that i have hurt them by doing this, or worse yet - in a vegetative state.

    i told my pain doc i wish that i could get cancer, but thats as much as i would say...if i say anything else, they would lock me up in the loony bin. he replied that i would think differently if i had it. i doubt it, it would provide the out i'm looking for - all i would have to do is refuse chemo and/or radiation and then its goodbye!

    i do not have support - i lost the last friend i had by talking about death. i do not seek help for sadness because therapy has caused trauma from talking about the past. it does not help at all for me to relive those memories. maybe my own fault i dont know, but i'm not complaining. thank you for replying.
  6. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Hope things are getting sorted for you,stick around,lifes tough but things can get better,trust your friends and more importantly those who know you better ie.those in your every day life. xxx.
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's strange......
    the thing that worries me about obits and funeral arrangements is the people left behind to take care of our wishes won't do any of the things the way we asked them to anyway....
    I've seen it so many times....they think more about themselves than they do about the one that's gone.....
    geez am I starting to sound cynical!!!..
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