I wrote my suicide letter today...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Metallica*Melinda, Apr 8, 2008.

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  1. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    I think Im going to kill myself tonight... I really am not doing good. I have been cutting deep everyday and I get deeper every night. I havent been cutting the tendons or nerves yet... its happend before but I think tonight it wont matter anymore. I just cant take this anymore. Nonbody gives a shit anymore. Its getting old for my family... and I have no friends left anymore. I've been shutting everyone out and I know it wont really matter to anyone if I do kill myself tonight... I dont want to live anymore... I dont see whats worth fighting for. I really am tired of these feelings... the depression. I am tired of not having anyone who loves me... I'm so sick of life. I dont want to live anymore. I just want to be left alone but in some ways I wish someone would just come up to me and ask me if I'm okay. Its so stupid, I know. I really am not going to be able to fight anymore...
    You know whats so stupid? I really have tried to make friends and all that, but still nobody likes me... thats why I just have given up on that idea.
    I'm so alone... as I will be when I finally do kill myself, I dont think this will be another failed suicide attempt... I think it will work... Im praying it will work...
  2. Kimi

    Kimi Well-Known Member

    Please don't hurt yourself, please..

    I remember your username and I am so shocked to find this thread now. You have been supporting other people which I felt you have a warm heart.

    I was thinking very similar things while I was in the bathroom.. All my friends have left from me as I have been depressed and suicidial such a long time.

    I like you as soon as I read your post the first time. (I like your username as well) I really don't want you to harm yourself. I really think people here and you have a great warm heart.

    Please change your mind..

    I'm thinking of you a lot.
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Hey there,

    Firstly I'd like to send you a :hug: . I'm sorry that you feel as though you don't matter to anyone, but please don't think like that, because you can't decide for others whether they care about you or not and whether it'd matter to them if you'd die, or not. Quite frankly I think it WOULD matter to people. Like Kimi I've seen your username before. I've seen you posting back in 2007. That shows something. You've been holding on for so long now. I know it's a hard battle (sometimes it's harder than at other times), but look at you, you're still here.
    Your depression might be 'getting old' for your family as you say, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't mind you dying. :hug:

    You also say you've been shutting everyone (incl. your friends) out.. Well those who know you're depressed will definitely understand, as shutting people out is a common thing amongst depressed people. That doesn't mean they don't care. I'm sure that if you'd try talking to them, they'd be there still.

    I know I can't do much for you from behind this screen, but I just wanted to say that I really hope that you'll reconsider. Because (and yes I know this is going to sound cliché, but that doesn't make it any less of a truth), things might just improve.
    Please hang in there :hug:
    And feel free to keep letting things out here, it might help, even if it's just a bit.

  4. Lost Forever

    Lost Forever Well-Known Member

    Wait, Melinda, don't do this. Maybe tomorrow you'll change your mind. Just wait for tomorrow, it costs you nothing
  5. disturbia

    disturbia Member

    I don't mean to be a pain in the rear end but actually it costs some. See you can't possible understand the pain these people (me amongst them) feel like. Every single day is another day completely and utterly filled with pain. You simply think "maybe you'll think differently tomorrow" whereas we think "i simply can't take the pain for another day, not even another minute". So pardon me to detach you from your perfect little world but YES, IT DOES COST A LOT.

    Anyway, got a bit carried away there. Melinda, I simply advice you to go to sleep. If you can't do that, drink until you pass out.

    Oh, and a lot of you people may not see eye to eye with me on this one but I personally would rather advice someone to drink themselves to pass out than to stay sober and commit whatever's on their mind. Excuse me for being human and actually understanding you hypocritical %(#¤&.

    PS. Pardon the language and anger.
  6. suicider628

    suicider628 Well-Known Member

    I wish i would fly to edmonton right now and come up to you to ask if you were okay. If that is what it take to make you feel better.
    You and i have many similarity, just take 5 seconds, all i ask, to click the link! i hope this will help you as it helped me: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ it kept me alive for a bit.
  7. Lost Forever

    Lost Forever Well-Known Member

    I know what pain is... i've commited myself suicide twice... But i think, that everyone wants to live and this is an instinct. It's not easy to kill such strong instincts you know.... And when the moment of complete despair passes, you won't be able to commit a suicide. (IMO)
  8. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Melinda, please stay and talk to us, you don't have to be alone, give us a chance, I'm sure you will make some friends here at Sf.

    disturbia, Can I just say in reply to your post that I doubt very much that anyone who comes to Sf lives in the way you imply.....
    We all come here for our own reasons but we all know the pain and darkness that you refer too.
  9. disturbia

    disturbia Member

    Hazel, I didn't mean to underestimate his or anyone elses experiences or pain. I simply _know_ that when in deep pain every day seems a lot to bear. Some day is the day when it's just enough and you might end yourself, so "it's just one day" isn't really a great defense to keep up the spirit of people in great pain.

    But hey, perhaps you're all right. I mean what do I really know? I'm just a 19-year-old kid who lost two of his beloved ones within a split of a second. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

    I'm just saying what most of us know, words count for nothing - it's actions that keep us alive. I'd rather hug a complete stranger than listen to "I'm sorry, I understand" from even the closest friend.
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Melinda, you have fought hard for quite awhile and come through up until this point. don't let all your hard work be for nothing. These feelings of utter despair may not always be this strong. You have people here that wish to see you remain safe. Lean on them if necessary. Please stay with us. :hug:
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Please stay with us hun :hug: feel free to PM me if you want a chat or just need someone to listen!
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't do it Melinda. There has to be a better way. :hug:
  13. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    Well, I did cut my arms up pretty bad, but im not dead. I dont know why I didnt do it but i didnt... I dont really know how long I will be around... but I guess at least another day. Thanks a lot for the replies...
    Oh, and I am trying to get into a hospital but they keep rejecting me... thats one reason im going over the edge... its stupid..
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