I..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alexk1, Apr 13, 2007.

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  1. alexk1

    alexk1 New Member

    I don't know why I decided to take the time to post here, perhaps its my inner desire in my last moments of my life to share my awful dream that called life with you...
    I didn't had a sad life, actually my life were very happy in Israel , I had a girlfriend named Natasha and a loving familly, my life were pleasing and I was happier then ever.

    Untill one mounth ago a car accident changed my life, you could say it has ended my life aswell, cause these moments while I writing this post are my last moments on this cruel world.
    My brother was driving his van with my whole family in it , 10 people
    , my mom and dad, my girlfriend, my grandmother and grandfather, my three sisters aged 9 ,6, and the smallest ..1.8.
    all of my family, every soul which I loved, each human being that I could give my last breath to, died in that cruel senseless accident.
    our car got crashed from front by a truck, <mod edit>
    the fucking bastard was wasted and drunk, and got killed aswell.
    I got hit in the spine, in the face and in my arms, im..i'm not looking as a human- scars all over my face, I could never walk again, and my hands are lookign likea a godamn raw meat!@#
    Doctors are saying that I was saved by a mircale, well I call it pure punishment, what did I do wrong to get this kind of punishment?! oh how I miss to see my familly again, I just..cant take it no more.
    I still cant figure the reason why im writing this message, I know I'm gonna die in these next moments, I know I'll see my beautiful little sister smiling at me again at heaven, I'm a jew , and by my religeon if you commit suicide then you go stright to hell, well then..I still going to do it cause I dont believe in god anymore, anything would be better then the poor , miserable exictence ive been living the last mounth, my eyes are filled with liquid tears 24\24 hours a day, I'm completly alone most of the week and I cant sleep or eat, everytime I do I throw up.
    I have nothing, nothing to live for.

    Im sorry mother, I know you look down at me right now with harsh feelings and a mad hope that I would not do it, I miss you too much to wait that long alone. אני אוהב אותך אמא

    Take care people, this would be my only legacy which I leave after me, Drive carefully, and live happily , cause you only understand what you have by loosing it.


    Alex Krsitefaien.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2007
  2. Smythe

    Smythe Well-Known Member

    .. words fail me, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I cant imagine the pain.
    I'm still struggling to find words, don't do it, hang on, there may still
    be much to live for :( at least give others the chance to help you.
    Is there anyone you can go to? doctors, friends anything to keep you
    together while you cope with this?
    Once again, I'm so sorry, I wish I could be of more tangible help to you
    I believe you can make it through this, one day at a time.
    Feel free to contact me and I'll give what support I can
    My heart goes out to you in this wretched time
     
  3. ZEo

    ZEo Member

    goood luck

    thats all i have to say
     
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    God...What to say, except that I feel hope for you...geez...I hope that you can make it...I hope that you can muster the strength to deal with this horrible tragedy...I hope that you can find comfort in God's Love...I hope that you will make it through this and find some solace in your faith...I hope that you can find the strength you need to make it through...I hope...
     
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