Id be better off dead

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rachael1, Apr 23, 2013.

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  1. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    I havnt been on here for a while as ive been in and out of hospitals and isolating myself from the world but everything has become too much to bear. I was supposed to be doing a police interview soon but my therapist wont allow me to do that yet because apparently im not stable enough. Im a prisoner in my own home, my mother wont give me any freedom and i can understand why - she just wants to keep me safe from myself but she doesnt understand how it makes things worse for me. Ive tried talking to her and i even wrote her a letter but nothing seems to get through to her. Ive been SH a lot lately and im not proud of it, ive made a mess of everything in my life. Ive had to leave uni because ive missed too much work, being in various hospitals and institutions. Everything is such a mess and i feel so alone. I cant help thinking that id be better off dead.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun you will get better you will with help from your doctors therapist. My girl had to leave school too for awhile until she got stable but is now returning and doing so much better. Don't give up ok h ugs
     
  3. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    Only evil people are better off dead and I'm willing to bet anything that you are not evil.

    Try not to thing about the things that have messed up. Dwelling doesn't help you one bit.

    Is freedom to do your own thing what you want most right now? I'm glad to hear that your mum is looking after you and protecting you - sounds like she's just worried about you. Is there any way your therapist could talk to her, just to make her give you a little bit of freedom for her to get used to the idea? Maybe you could both go on days out together, to show her you can handle yourself?

    I'm unsure of what you've been through but it seems like the people around you need to be reassured that you are getting your feet back. Self-harming is only going to worry them and make them protect you even more.

    :hug:
     
  4. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    Thankyou for replying :) I just want to be left alone by my family - which aint gonna happen :/ I can see there concern and I know why they are doing this but its suffocating me. I want some kind of a life back and im loosing all hope of ever getting it back. Ive tried so many times to explain things to my mother but she still doesnt get it and i dont think she ever will fully understand me, at the moment it feels as though im fighting them all and i dont want it to be this way. I wish i could open to my therapist more but i just cant seem to. I have big trust issues with people and i dont know if il ever overcome this :(
     
  5. scarlettdrknss

    scarlettdrknss Well-Known Member

    Hey... I can totally relate to that. I always have to lie to my family about how I feel because they never leave me alone when I'm feeling really bad and that always makes me feel worse. I also know they all just want the best but it's hard to explain how being alone can help you in those most depressed moments. It's hard to explain anything really. I've been disappointed every single time I opened up and trusted people could help me. It's hard on you.
    With your therapist, you have to get to know him/her more probably. Or it could be that you just don't click - i hope you understand when i say it like that. Like, you have to make sure they are the kind of person you are comfortable around. If you're not, then you probably won't ever be able to talk openly to them. Or you might feel bad about it later. That's why I gave up on my old therapist. Currently, I am seeing a psychiatrist every now and again until I find a new one. There has to be a certain bond between people before you can completely trust them with everything in your mind, that's true.
    You can overcome this though. If you only keep fighting. I wish you all the best ~
     
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    All it takes is you proving to them that you are less of a threat to yourself. You know my thoughts, we've chatted a fair bit on this, and you know that given what you've tried and what hasn't worked, it might be an idea to look at the flip side and use your energy on living. A bit like a boyband song... One Direction.. Live While We're Young - you're young enough to have life in front of you. It's up to you to make the most of what you do have, and that's a mother who cares, a therapist who listens, and you're a role model for a sister too.
     
  7. Fender00

    Fender00 New Member

    I know how that can be i was asked to leave from my college because of a manic episode that was when i was 19 ever since then ive been hospitalized for a year now im 22. But you gotta keep moving on, Im taking classes at a local community college and have a small job on the side.

    Remember the old self is still in you and will never go away. One day youll be ready to work again and feel productive and fufilled. Even if it seems impossible it is possible.
     
  8. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    Hello, I'm really sorry to hear that your feeling like this :( . All I can say is talk to people, worries are always better out than in. Please don't feel like your better off dead because you do deserve to be on this planet! Keep your chin up! :)

    Kayleigh
     
  9. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    Hello Rachel,
    I'm sorry for you're feeling so horrible right now. I have trust issues too cause I've been hurt by so many people so I can understand why it's hard for you to open up to anyone. Keep sharing yourself on the forum. It might help you to be able to open up more in therapy. You wouldn't be better off dead, there's still hope for you. :) Keep us posted on how you're feeling. Were all here for you! Hugs!
     
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