I havnt been on here for a while as ive been in and out of hospitals and isolating myself from the world but everything has become too much to bear. I was supposed to be doing a police interview soon but my therapist wont allow me to do that yet because apparently im not stable enough. Im a prisoner in my own home, my mother wont give me any freedom and i can understand why - she just wants to keep me safe from myself but she doesnt understand how it makes things worse for me. Ive tried talking to her and i even wrote her a letter but nothing seems to get through to her. Ive been SH a lot lately and im not proud of it, ive made a mess of everything in my life. Ive had to leave uni because ive missed too much work, being in various hospitals and institutions. Everything is such a mess and i feel so alone. I cant help thinking that id be better off dead.