I'd do it ASAP if it was any easier.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by powerdoom, Aug 11, 2011.

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  1. powerdoom

    powerdoom Member

    I think I've had a mental breakdown after years of unhappiness, I am in all kinds of head pains now 24/7 even tho I'm on medication... Going to scan for a brain tumor or hemorrhage or w/e...
    But I guess that's because of the state I'm in mentally, I'm just 20 years old but I feel like there is nothing for me in life, nothing gives me any joy, especially now since I am in these head pains. I tried to get a girlfriend so maybe that would make my life more bearable but that didn't work out either so now I'm just thinking- Fuck it, I want to quit life, I want out of here,- life is just a pain for me now and it hasn't been good at any point in my life...
    I really feel like I don't have anything to live for anymore, and nobody would care if I died anyway since nobody cares about me... not even myself.

    But at the end of the day I'm still a human being and am completely frightened of suicide and I have never tried it tho I have seriously thought about it. Don't even know how I would do it if I decide so.
     
  2. sadgirl67

    sadgirl67 New Member

    Hi powerdoom... I know what you mean about the headaches. I can't count how many times I've been to my doctor for them. I've had and MRI and everything is always clear and the dx is always stress. Ugh.

    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you were heard. I'm new here myself but I can see this is a really friendly, caring place.

    Hold on... :hugtackles:
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You sound like you are in such pain...I hope that if there is a medical etiology, that it is diagnosed. In the meantime, please continue to let us know what is going on...J
     
  4. powerdoom

    powerdoom Member

    My head pains have somewhat reduced at the moment, still very annoying...and hopefully I don't jinx this.

    Things with the girl I have a crush on are going really bad and it depresses me so badly and just makes me more anxious...

    I even told my mom that I might suicide and she went nuts so... anyway I feel like I am already dead, totally surreal, I am not in this reality anymore... being awake feels like I'm in a dream and dreaming seems more real than reality.

    I'm having a total mental breakdown and nobody (xept my mom who worries about me all the time and makes it harder for me to kill myself) really cares. I'm so f***** up. It probably is better at the other side...

    Why can't I just be put down like a dog?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2011
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    A dog is only 'put down' if it is beyond repair.

    Most dogs who go to a vets merely need treatment - then they walk out with their noses wet and tails wagging again.

    Nobody wants to bash fidos brains in because he is in pain

    Might be a thorn in the paw - we remove it - nobody gets put down!

    Depression is like that - its an injury we have - an illness - a thorn in the paw which makes every step agony and even thinking clearly is a process which seems to be impossible.

    Crushes are dangerous - you ought to just ask any woman out who might put the wind in your sails. Don't sit back and idolise here - tell her! And obviously don't throw all your eggs in the one basket.

    And - don't idolise here - she is only a woman - not a Goddess!

    We're all flawed bro.

    But you can't tell the difference after dark!

    Later.

    Good luck.
     
  6. powerdoom

    powerdoom Member

    I probably have some kind of serious thing in my head... going to the doctor tomorrow, and also I can't stop thinking about that girl...I feel like my life is lost, I really do. I really really want to die, I can't take this anymore...
    Nothing ever goes my way...
    I didn't grow up being a depressed kid, I didn't expect my life to be hanging on a thread at age 20..... I was a really happy and carefree kid but it feels like ages ago now... I wish I could just turn back time but I can't, suicide is the only way out now.

    And to think that one month ago I was depressed but, I actually thought that things are going to get better and maybe I can become happy, I thought that I will get the girl, a car, and a secure future.... but it all has come crashing down during the past few weeks. I am so lost and dizzy all the time now, surreal.

    I don't want to live anymore, get it through your head people, when I say put down like a dog I mean it, I don't want this life, nothing in it. I just want to go to god already...

    I just hate myself so bad now for being an idiot and not living the life I was dreaming of when I had the chance... I am so deep now that the other side of the tunnel is closer than the one I entered from.

    If my mom really cares about me so much, why didn't she ever care about how I was doing when I was a lonely nerd locked in my room all day for years, and only starts to care now when I can't take it anymore and am crying and considering suicide.... I love my family but they can't hold me back from going to god.
     
  7. powerdoom

    powerdoom Member

    the worst part is that I know that I could do it all if I was healthy....
    I would really change my life, and I'm not just saying that, I know it for a fact....
     
  8. cannolongercope

    cannolongercope Active Member

    Are you on any type of medication that could be causing the dizziness?

    I know what it means to hate your life and just want it over. I look for things on the internet to watch to divert my attention from the loneliness I feel. It does get me relief.
     
  9. powerdoom

    powerdoom Member

    I am on Xanax and AD, my head pains have somewhat lessened but my head still feels like under some kind of pressure and heavy and hot and I have constantly a light fever...

    Still the most worrying thing is that I do not know what is causing my physical pains , is it a malfunction in my head or just my constant unconscious anxiety. Blood pressure and analysis were both normal so it may be something neurological...

    Also this girl is still driving me insane, she like always gives me some kind of hope but every time lets me down.... it may seem like she is uninterested but when we talk through MSN we get along really well so I don't know what is the problem...
    I think my bad health may be the problem, if I was healthy I believe I could make a relationship with her... she is hot and nice.

    Anyway I have been looking through the Internet for the past couple of weeks now trying to figure out what can be causing my issues but I still don't know. I will have a nose operation and eye sight operation soon as well.

    I am not even going to continue pursuing my drivers licence in this condition... so no hope for getting a car in the near future, next year the earliest if all goes well, it is really hard to get a drivers licence in the driving school where I'm in, they have very high standards, I honestly drive better than half of the people with cars but still they won't ever pass my exam it seems....I've already paid about 600€ to them and every time I fail my exam I have to pay them again....

    Right now I hopefully get into a school because without it my future is uncertain. Also I think it would be good for my health and mental health.

    Also the though of winter coming is depressing, I fucking hate winter... as well as the though of the coming crisis in world economy and so on, society is digressing, hard times are ahead, especially for me. And the whole 2012 thing, I really hope something amazing will happen in the world because I hate my life. If 2012 is the end of the world than it's okay with me. Misery loves company and death ends all misery.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2011
  10. ocean

    ocean New Member

    hey.

    I'm a similar age to you, and even though our circumstances may not be the same, i just want to say that I know what its like to see what your life potentially could be, but isn't... I know what its like to have your whole future in front of you, and to know what it potentially could be, should be, but probably won't be, and i also know what its like to feel only agonizing numbness when you should be feeling joy, pleasure, enjoyment, whatever. It's excruciating. I don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that I understand, I understand, I understand.
     
  11. powerdoom

    powerdoom Member

    I just wanted to make a quick update;

    My head pains have lessened, but I still have this constant kind of pressure in head and a kind of suffocating feeling all the time... I have chronic stuffy nose (or whatever you call it) , it is caused by a disformation in my nose, so I will go to the doctor and make an operation, it's just my guess that it is the reason for my suffering....

    I can feel a little better when I'm riding a bicycle so I'm just riding my bike all day long, but as soon as I sit back in front of the computer the suffocating head pressure feeling comes back... I don't know how I can go to school in this state so I really need to solve this fast.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2011
  12. powerdoom

    powerdoom Member

    Still the same ..... -.-

    I stopped xanax because that just made me feel dizzy...

    Gonna keep on taking my AD and pray to god =(

    But I feel like all is lost by now, I've surfed the internet about this and people have suffered for years, I ain't gonna suffer for years I can tell you that. Enough is enough.
     
  13. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    One word of advice, be careful stopping Xanax suddenly, as that can cause withdrawal symptoms and you may not notice them if they are too similar to your depressive moods.
     
  14. powerdoom

    powerdoom Member

    Gonna check for Lyme Disease tomorrow...

    I hope it is Lyme, because its curable and I won't have to worry about what it is anymore, altho the recovery may take months, I'd still take that over being in the dark.

    Feeling like shit, and the edge is getting closer.

    I will take death over suffering any time.

    So I will either be cured or I will cure myself.
     
  15. powerdoom

    powerdoom Member

    It just gets worse and worse, I will get my blood analisys results on friday.........

    In the meantime it feels like I am choking!!! Literally... It feels like I am being strangled!!!!
    If this does not get better by tomorrow I am calling the ambulance.
     
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