I let him touch me last night and I didn't even try to stop him. I didn't fight, I didn't beg or plead, I didn’t even tell him no. I just let him do whatever he wanted knowing full well I was being used. I let him force my head down on his dick because deep down I thought that maybe then he’d truly love me like I loved him. I didn’t stop him, I didn’t even try and it makes me sick to my stomach. I let him say things that no person should ever say to another hoping deep in my heart it was his way of showing he cared. I knew the only reason he wanted to see me last night was because he knew he could manipulate the situation into what he wanted. He knew I was weak, vulnerable and easily swayed. All it took was you know you want to and I let him shove me down. Why am I such a worthless whore? Why do I put myself into situations that I can’t get myself out of? I truly loved him, I truly thought that by doing what he wanted he’d love me back. I let him violate me in ways that I shouldn’t have. I promised myself, I fuckin promised myself that I wouldn’t cave, that I wouldn’t let him make me feel like dying again. He promised me that he cared, that he felt the same way I did but all he wanted was my lips around his dick. In the end is that all I’m worth to people. Is my worth deduced to something as simple and meager as sucking off some guy? Is that the value of my existence? The meaning of my life was summed up for me last night as he tried to kiss me good night and tell me it was worth the visit. Worth the visit? Worth the fuckin’ visit, you asshole?! I’m not even worth the visit, IT was worth the visit. I’m an it, I’m not even a person to him. I’m an IT, I don’t even get the value of a human being, I get the value of garbage, of waste, of nothingness, I get that. I get a hey that felt good thanks for seeing me on your birthday. Fuck people, fuck guys, fuck the human race for all I care, I’ve been deduced to a piece of garbage, why do I care what people think anymore. I don’t care if I cut too deep and bleed to death because I’m already dead inside.