If my life were a movie... it would be titled "Compete and Total Failure". You could start with my young school days... where I had few freinds. People hated me... people pushed me around... and no one cared enough to do shit about it. I tried many things in my young life... and failed all of them. Every sport I tried I was bad at... Changed schools multiple times and hte story was always the same... never anywher near the top of my class at anything. I have been suicidal sense I was a child... I have never been happy. The final eleentry shcool i went to was the worst... And that scared me forever. I got bullied by someone who turned everyone against me. I never was great in school... don't know how many times I was staying after school to redo assignements I failed... I held sports teams back with my shitty genetics... Why the fuck couldnt I hav been born with that top of the line atheltisisim... would fix eery single problem in my life if i was. High school was a tad beter... mainly becasue i avoided people for 3 years... Getting to know people in the 4th was another mistake... fell into a religous cult that fucked my life up more. Then adulthood... ahh fuck... Wasted 4 years in college... and dont 'have even a two year degree to show for it. So now I am a loser with no degree... and no job expierence because I was focuing on school. I need a job that I love that pays well... Happy people may be rich in other ways but I will never be. I can't connect with people and never will be able to... I never learned how to socialize properly thanks to my childhood and there is no way to fix that. No amount of therapy can fix the fact that I was pushed around by some of hte most evil people this world has ever seen... Women aren't romanticaly intersted in me... simple fact that i have a decade of evidence to coutner any blind optamisim people throw at me... I will never be rich with a family of my own. My only goal in life has been to find something and bbecome the undisputed best in the wrold at it... the one sucess i had on a much smaller level made me realize that is the only thing that makes me happy is competative sucess... to look at people who fuck me over and now I defeated them... but that won't happen. My job is a daily trigger... anytime I find out on a moments notice I am needed I want to (Voluntary method omission). It is boring, annoying, and my boxx/relative (working for family) has a way of pushing every single button I have... He means well... but he is clueless.... There is no future in it... and I am more being taken care of then earning my keep... I am a 23 year old infant with no chance at evver becoming anything worth while. I can't deal with this much more... If I am not making great money to distract myself with and actually eanr the right to call myself a man... or in a deep sucessful relationship with a woman (yea right) by my next birthday... I am ending it... I have nothing to offer this world... and I am done trying when teh result is always failure.