I'd rather kill myself than kill an innocent child.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by A_pixie, Sep 10, 2008.

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  1. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Ok, on exactly June 28th this year I was stupid enough to have sex with someone I'd been obsessing over for years. I thought I'd kick myself if I didn't respond to him but I'm kicking myself now. I want to die.

    We didn't use protection we were both drunk but I don't think he ejaculated.

    I suffer short term memory loss and can't remember when my last period was.

    I tried a test a while back which came back negative. I tried another one when my period didn't show up, this was also negative but a few days later a VERY faint line that would make it a plus appear, it's also not centre, veering slightly to the left...this I hear could be an "evaporation line" but I can't tell as I took a thrid test but I didn't do it properly apparently because no result showed up!

    I don't believe in abortion, I haven't had a positive result yet it's getting very late. I can't stop panicking and if I am pregnant I'm killing myself, my mind is made up on that. I couldn't live with myself knowing I had bought an unwanted kid into the world, ruined the father's life. I have nothing to offer a child. My parents have enough going on as it is I think they would cut my throat anyway if they found out.

    But I couldn't kill or hurt an innocent child it's not it's fault I'm in this mess it's my own fucking stupidity.

    I need some help. I need someone to tell me if they think I am or not, I need a friend. Earn if you're on here please get in contact...

    I drink alcohol every day and drink a lot of caffeine about 7 diet cokes a day at times could this be making me late?

    Has anyone here ever been pregnant? Had problems with tests? What does it feel like to be two months pregnant because I feel mainly just stressed, no other signs and if anything I have LOST weight...

    This is getting unbearable somebody please help me before I put an end to this all I'm cracking up :'(
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Please go to an OBGYN and get the appropriate medical attention, and please stop drinking until you know...J
     
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You have to go to a gynecologist to be sure if you are pregnant. Also, having an unwanted pregnancy is no reason to kill yourself hun. If your against abortion, then you could give your child up for adoption?
     
  4. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    first off, stress alone can potentially make you late or stop altogether if its severe enough. especially if its coupled with poor diet, lack of proper hydration (alcohol and soda have a dehydrating effect on your body). nothing is certain yet darlin.

    also, the world doesnt end with an unwanted pregnancy. just because you dont want it doesnt mean someone else isnt praying for a baby they cant produce themselves. rent juno, that kind of set up really is possible and does happen all the time. dont give into the panic, try to relax. see an obgyn, knowing for sure is half the battle. if its negative then yay, lesson learned. if its positive, dont give up... look at the options and maybe you could be a miracle for someone else.

    how much more tragic then abortion would it be if you both died? be pro life in regards to yourself too.
     
  5. dixie27

    dixie27 Member

    Since you haven't had any tests come back positive, most likely you aren't pregnant. Let's not start thinking suicide until we know for sure. I don't know which tests you been taking, but some are so easy it's ridiculous. Just pee on the stick, and then it says yes or no. Voila.

    I went through hell when I was a teen thinking I was pregnant. My father already hated me so this would be the excuse he needed to get rid of me. I was so scared. Back then they didn't have these cool test kits. I know now, though, that if I had been pregnant that the best decision would be to have it and give it up. I was too young to be a mother and my family would have made the environment terrible for a child.

    You'll be okay either way...just get the facts first.
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I would go to an OBGYN and have a test done and checkup. This way you know for sure and they can also check for any abnormalities anywhere. Many things can effect your cycle and your moods. I hope you find relief soon. :hug:
     
  7. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I have dropped a sample off and have to call in 5 days....5 days :(

    If I'm not I'm going to be so relieved it would be like my life was being saved.

    If I am I'm going to be sick I know myself to well I will PANIC

    I don't want to die but it's getting hard :<
     
  8. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    Hey sorry i havent been looking at too many posts lately.I just talked to you on myspace the other day how come you didnt say anything about this?

    I think the drinking alcohol and alot of caffene could make you late or even miss 1.and with school the extra stress of that could be adding to the chance of missing a period.but im a guy i dont know.I think you should talk with your doctor and take a test.but you just said you dropped off a sample.so hopefully there negative.

    Youre against abortion so in affect if you decided to kill yourself then you would be killing the baby also.you can make it through this.there are millions of women going through the same as you and lot of them are in worse situations than you.i hope that can add some comfert.

    If it happens to be true than please dont kill yourself :sad: you just have to be strong.if it happens than look into adoption.because im sure there is a couple that wants a baby but cant have one.babys get adopted right away.so dont put any worry into thinking no one will want the baby.In america we have a safe haven law that lets mothers give birth to a baby they dont want and have a hosptal or firestation take the baby with no questions no names.nothing required from the mother not even a name.look into that as well.

    there are alot of peope going through the same as you.im sure you probably might even know someone thats been through this.your strong pixie.you have to believe that.this is not the end for you.your going to school trying to get your life together and this might just be a bump in the road.and there is a solution other than suicide.

    Pixie you know my myspace and my email so if you ever needed anything just email me when ever you wanted.I here for you pixie.This isnt something you cant handle Pixie. *hug so contact me when you get this.and Take Care
     
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