I'd Rather

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by I'dRather, Dec 29, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    I'd rather have stayed and been killed than to feel this pain I feel right now. Why???????
     
  2. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    If this is who I think it is, I'm sorry you have to go through this and it can be hard. Try and take it one day at a time. I'm here for you, whether this is who I think it is or not. Always feel free to contact me. :hug:
     
  3. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    I can't do this! I am not strong enough to face this pain.
     
  4. Maybe if I piss him off enough he'll come kill me.
     
  5. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    Sorry Carolyn if I worried you. Lost my sense a bit. I don't know how I could have survived without you and my family and my cell phone. Thankfully someone was smart enough to invent cell phones.

    Thankfully two police officers arrived, thankfully the cab driver arrived, thankfully the ticket agent got me an earlier flight, thankfully my check card still worked..but I am so scared. I have no money and still no job.
     
  6. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    hun i think i know who this is :hug: i'm sorry for what you been going through i know its hard but your a strong person i know you can fight this hun, i'm always here for you hun :hug:
     
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :hug: Hang in there hun..I know it's hard I've been there, and it'll be hard for awhile and at first it feels like you can't do it, but you can and after so long you realize you can. It'll be ok. If you need me call my cell hun.

    Love ya. :hug:
     
  8. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    Today I'd rather make sure he rots in a jail cell and suffers for what he has done to me.
     
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

  10. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    I have never had such a cruel experience. I can't comprehend what would drive someone to such cruelty. Heck he even realized it was cruel but yet he felt nothing. No remorse, no concern...

    I do not think I will ever experience true love from anyone. I don't think I will ever overcome this phobia..that's a big reason to die. Already the pressure has started and I can't face it. Can't face the fear, the emotions it brings up. After all he hated me for this stupid phobia. I hated myself for it. Worthless!

    Me I'm okay during the day because I am extremely busy trying to get things together and survive but nights are hard. I get depressed, contemplate suicide, think of all the pain he caused me, hate myself so much. Every night when I'm not busy. I don't get much sleep anymore. Last night I ran across some supportive anti-suicide sites and it helped. Tonight I moved past them in the search engine list and found the others sites. Then I realized it wasn't so appealing. It made me sick although I am tempted to just start slamming my head into a wall and not stop till I pass out. But I am not really wanting to do that either. I just want to vaporize. No pain, no drama. Just gone.

    Don't worry. Tomorrow will be a new day and I'll be busy. Maybe have a job lined up. I hope so. But have to go to a friend's funeral. Not sure how I'll handle that in my state. Not sure at all.

    Broken heart.....die heart. Stop caring, Stop feeling.
     
  11. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    I'm so fed up with his lies and excuses and blaming me for the abuse!
     
  12. **S**

    **S** Guest

    If this is who I think it is, I am thinking of you and love you. Wish I could do more. :(
     
  13. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    Thanks **S**. I really appreciate the replies.

    I just found out someone I told about the abuse is gonna help the SOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can anyone help a monster like that? How can they live with themselves!!?? Why do abusers get away with it so often? People like that shouldn't be allowed anywhere outside of a jail cell.
     
  14. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    Paralyzing fear..uncertainty....he's turned people against me again and nobody will believe me now not even my lawyer. I really need to see a therapist to talk about this but have no money and no free resources. Even now I am re-experiencing the fear. All the tension was gone. Now it's back. The feeling of being powerless and disbelieved. Oh please make this stop!!!!!
     
  15. **S**

    **S** Guest

    I'm so sorry you have to go through all this, no one should have to go through things like this, and I do agree with you that people like that shouldn't be allowed anywhere outside of a jail cell.
    I really am so so so sad for you and i feel so sad knowing you in so much pain and fear and with people taking his side and not believing you :( :( i wish so much i could help you somehow and be there for you somehow.
    I know I am not being of any help, but you said you appreciate replies, so i replied, that's all i can do really. But please be sure that I think of you every day, wondering how you're hanging on and wishing that things got better for you.
     
  16. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    I guess everyone is tired of me posting...the thing is I can't hurt my family or leave my animals. I am not happy at all though. My life is not for me anymore. I survive for my family and my animals. I know that no one will ever really love me or accept me as I am. I just want this to end. This pain is unbearable.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.