"Ideal world" doesn't exist.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Jasin, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. Jasin

    Jasin Member

    I feel really bad right now. I don't ever remember feeling this bad in my life. Something happened today that completely f'ed me up and made me see things that I don't want to see. I'm just going to ramble, because I don't know what else to do.

    Nothing makes me happy. I am never good enough for myself. I secluded myself in my house for basically 8 years until I was "good enough" for the world. To me, I was never good enough for girls, friends, or to leave the house. What other people said to me about being too hard on myself didn't matter.

    I am getting out of the house now and I feel ok about myself. I realize that I will never live up to what I thought that I should be, but nobody is perfect. I used to be obsessed with girls. I used to think that girls were the panacea; that having a girlfriend would make me happy and cure all my problems. I was a fucking idiot. They are not a cure for problems and getting attention from them doesn't make me feel good like I thought it would. Life will never be what I thought it would be.

    This might not make sense to some people, and there is a whole bunch more shit I could type, but I won't. What I am saying is that for my whole life, I always had this idealized vision of what my life should/would be. What I am realizing is that life is never close to "ideal" and that I will never be as happy as I thought I would. Some of you might read that and say "no shit", and you are obviously right. I just feel like nothing makes me happy. Maybe I need to fall in love. That sounds pussy, but hey, isn't that what makes people happy? Sorry if this doesnt make sense to you, but maybe somebody can relate.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sure it makes sense looking for externals to fulfill our lives hoping something someone will fill the void take away the pain the saddness. Unfortunately we found out as we get older it doesn't work that way. Only person can make you happy is you. Unless your happy with yourself noone is going to be happy with you as they see only the unhappiness the insecure people we are.
    Meds help with the saddness the pain but still everyone needs human contact somehow we have to get out and join groups go shopping take a class we are interested in in the hopes to meet people with our interest. Now i am rambling on. I do understand and right now i see it as first we are happy with ourselves then others will see that confidence and happiness and say there is a person i would like to be with. Hard yes because i too don't trust people but sometimes if the loneliness is to go away i have to.