lol ithis is me too except for the sellf harm bit (well the drinkin myself to death is self harm in a way but not like cutting or whatever)
i agrree doctors are useless but im afraid i dont know of a good alternative.
may be Alcoholics Anonymous if you are relgigious? (i dont want to try them coz i dont believe in god or anything but if you believe that might work for you?
other than that i dont know , sorry.