idk about friends

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by morning rush, Sep 21, 2014.

  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I don't think I'm ready to have friends. I tried with an online friend to watch anime together and talk but I thought he was a bit controlling and just bombarding me with stuff about him. He wouldn't even read my replies...I felt he was just unloading his frustrations on me. Telling me how with his ex he would do a countdown before watching something and so we should do that too.

    I am not interested in dating him though. So I feel that I should not do what reminds him of his ex. And he didn't seem interested in the anime either...he was complaining about it etc...It just made me frustrated and tired...

    I'm thinking maybe something is wrong with me and that's how friends are...but then I think of my real friend (a girl) she likes horror films and when I watch movies with her at her place I like it. So maybe it's not me the problem...or maybe it's because it's a guy? idk...I'm forcing myself but I think it's not for me...

    I'm just really discouraged...
  2. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    I can see why you are discouraged.

    I mean, when you are talking to this guy, and, all he wants is to talk about himself, that is just one-sided, and not a true friend. A real friend will always ask you how you are doing, and really want to know.

    Should've matter is you don't want to date. We all do things / say things / that remind people (friends) of their ex. All should be forgiven, if it happens by accident. I do that all the time. When I feel I've done that (told someone somethings about my ex), I normally apologize, and we get past it. (me and my friend(s)_)

    Don't give up on having friends (online or in real life), you deserve friends just as much as the next person.

    Good luck, and don't give up.
  3. random33

    random33 Well-Known Member

    I don't think nothing is wrong with you, the guy you mention does not seem like someone I would like to be friends with either.

    I believe real friends are hard to come by, you should feel totally confortable, honest and open around your friends and friendship should never feel like a chore, even if they wake you up at 3 in the morning because they got stranded in the middle of nowhere or they need help moving, real friends do stuff for each other, not because they expect something in return, but simply because they are friends, you now they will be there for you when you need them, but you don't do stuff because of that, I'm sorry that I cannot express this better, but I thing I passed the general ideia.

    I don't think you should try to force a friendship, if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't, we are all different, with some people we just have an instant connection, with others it may take a while, with others that connection just does not happen, sometimes we think we have a connection only to find out that the other party does not have it, friendship like all other types of human relations has the potential to hurt us, but that does not mean we should stop trying :) It's good to have friends.

    A significant other is pretty much the same, just add intimacy and chemistry :) it's all worth pursuing, but it's not something that should be forced, I've seen people trying to force relantionships because of loneliness and the end result offcourse was never good, a relantionship is a wonderfull thing, but only when love, or whatever you call it is present.

    I never felt loneliness, despite being alone most of my life, friendships and romantic relantionships just happened, I tought something was wrong with me, not having the need for human contact, some people are just like that I guess, but along the years I've met some people that became part of my life and I'm happy with that :)

    If you can, involve yourself in activities that you enjoy and do some volunteering, it's a wonderfull way to meet new people, it's great for your self esteem and helping others is a great experience, you learn a lot and feel very good.
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    thank you both for commenting. Hum, I think that I've found myself comfortable with being alone and unengaged into anything. It's obviously not a good thing though. But I find that when I socialize I get so tired, that I automatically want solitude.

    I've come to the conclusion that I want a friend like me. someone who accepts you for you, who is there in your time of need, who listens and cheers you up. Is that weird? I'm tired of caring for people, I want someone to care for me too, even just a little.
  5. random33

    random33 Well-Known Member

    Feeling confortable with yourself is the most important thing, I really don't think it's a bad thing liking to be alone, like I've said I've been like that most of my life and never had a problem with that, everybody around me, especially my family found that weird and always thougth I was lonely but that was not the case, this does not mean that you should disconect yourself from the world, keep an open mind and heart, socialize a little bit and you may find some good friends out there.