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idk :/

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I'm 18 years old, live in The Netherlands (so sorry for my english). idk what to do exactly here, but I hope it will be something good. I've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts recently. I've been depressed for a couple of years (like 4 years) now, but recently I have just hit a new low. Because my head is just filled with negativity and depressing thoughts, my school and social life have suffered a lot. And with that my depression got worse. I drank alcohol a lot, but I did stop doing this to feel better. But just because my head is so full with the feeling of suicide and depression, I just cant focus on school, I just can't keep my attention to it. I have made a list in my head with what I would like to give to my friends when I'm dead. I have chosen the way I want to die. And I have pretty much given up. I hate myself, I think I'm just a waste of space. And I just don't know how to deal with these thoughts and feelings. So if any of you can help me.


Well-Known Member
Hi, @the gost! You're not a waste of space. You can't see how important you are for those whose lives you've touched. Instead of making a list of material things to leave to your friends, be here for them. The need and love YOU. YOU CANNOT BE REPLACED FOR ANYBODY OR ANYTHING.
You're welcome to SF. Here you'll meet incredible and wise people who understand what you're going through and will help you.
I'm just one person of the thousands of people you will meet, see, interact with in your life. I feel like I'm just wasting more and more of people their time. I don't see myself making anything out of my life. If I'm dead, I don't have to deal with anything, not with people their feelings, their dissappointment, nothing. Everybody is going to die anyway, so why not just skip till the end? In my place there might come someone that exactly does something with their life, that does have a purpose. Just the reason, You wont have to deal with anything, thats just sounds so nice...


Well-Known Member
First of all, you cannot be replaced by anybody else. Not even clones are the same. Your friends have chosen YOU as their friend. It's easy to be somebody's frien when everything is OK. But your friends want you to know that YOU are NOT your circumstances. The clouds are not the sky. Sometimes the sky is clear and sometimes it's stormy... You're suffering - you're not disappointing anybody. The storm will pass.
As for your purpose in life: you're 18. There's plenty of time to choose/change. Your purpose now might be to heal from your suffering and let your friends love you and stand beside you.
Have you talked to a therapist?


Seeing is Believing
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
Hey there Ghost:

Am glad to see you were aware that alcohol was a factor in feeling down. You do have a purpose in this life, just have not found it yet.

It helps to vent those feelings, sometimes we need extra help along the way. Have you talked to your parents about this as it really isn't good when you cannot focus in school due to those feelings.

Stay safe
To answer your questions,
Have you talked to a therapist? No, I haven't, since I don't want to waste their time, nor.do I want to waste mine. I feel like all that those people want is money, they don't really care about me. Also I dont know if that would help me, but I'd love to hear about your experiences with a therapist.
Have you talked to your parents? No, they see I'm depressed, but they don't really support me, as in a way that really. As I was writing my previous message, my mom letterally walked in a said:"You do reallise that you are dissapointing us, right?" So I just don't feel like talking to them, they wouldn't understand and joke about (happend before).
I just don't know how to deal with the thoughts, I don't want to be this way. But it's just such an easy way out. I want to do this right, but I just can't. So maybe I just shouldn't try at all


Well-Known Member
Parents are used to making their kids feel guilty because that's the tactics they have been using to teach them since they were very little. They never realize that at certain age, this tactics is not useful anymore.
I leave the answer about therapy to my friends here, who have had the experience.


Seeing is Believing
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
I have had therapy it only took one right therapist to make it alright for me at my darkest hour. She understood where I was at as well. She did care it made a huge difference. I was able to change my mindset about life. Therapists do care about our feelings. The money aspect is so they can make a living. Insurance usually covers for those things. Your parents probably does not see the severity of your situation. I do believe your parents would want to have a living son versus a dead one.

There are resources and articles on here as well as subsections so feel free to browse around and see if anything you can relate with yourself specifically. People have different ways of getting themselves out of that hole. Medications do help a fair number of people. You are 18 so I believe you are legal adult and can have this talk with your doctor to see if they are willing to give you some medication to try to lift your mood.

Take Care Ghost
Today I was told about some meds, going to get them tomorrow. They are called strattera for the people that want to look it up. I hope those help. Thank you all for your kind words, I might update this post, depending on how things go. This is a wonderfull community and I'm glad I discovered this, I love the way you guys try and help people and I'm sure you guys save a lot of lives this way. Anyway, thanks again and I'll see you later.
The ghost


SF dreamer
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
Hi there and welcome :)

I wish you the best of luck on your new medication but don't fret, even if this medicine doesn't help there are thousands of others that could potentially help, I don't even know you and I'm proud of you for trying your best - some people don't try at all. Wishing you the best and I just want to add that I had a therapist before that refused to charge me because he wasn't in it for the money. Bear that in mind that they are mostly not just in it for the cash and oh yeah one more thing there's a sub forum here called ''support from around the world'' where you can speak your mother tongue language. Best wishes :)


Well-Known Member
So happy to hear you are being helped by this forum! Keep posting! We are here for one another. Please remember that you ARE important and are made for a purpose. Sometimes, our parents are wounded themselves and do not know and have never been taught how to "love"us well. Remembering and believing I am "loved" by God gets me through my rough days. Counseling, specifically Christian counseling, has helped me to understand this and has given me practical ways of getting me out of my depression. Praying for you today!
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