Hey, I'm 18 years old, live in The Netherlands (so sorry for my english). idk what to do exactly here, but I hope it will be something good. I've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts recently. I've been depressed for a couple of years (like 4 years) now, but recently I have just hit a new low. Because my head is just filled with negativity and depressing thoughts, my school and social life have suffered a lot. And with that my depression got worse. I drank alcohol a lot, but I did stop doing this to feel better. But just because my head is so full with the feeling of suicide and depression, I just cant focus on school, I just can't keep my attention to it. I have made a list in my head with what I would like to give to my friends when I'm dead. I have chosen the way I want to die. And I have pretty much given up. I hate myself, I think I'm just a waste of space. And I just don't know how to deal with these thoughts and feelings. So if any of you can help me.