I need help. I can not live like this anymore. if i do then i know that i wont wake up one day. I can't help the feelings that I have and I've tried a lot of stuff to get rid of them. It's a deep anguish pain that has settled in my gut and I wish on stars every night that i will not wake up in the morning. I have no one and I think it might be better that way. my mom just thinks that i am just another teen going through teen angst and hopefully this will pass like teen angst but i doubt it, ive been this way since i was 12 and I am now 16. I haven't cut in 2 weeks because of my therapist appointment that I had today. It didn't help, if anything it made me feel more horrible about myself. My therapist just pointed out the things I hated most about myself. I hate not having anyone to care for me but maybe it's better because all I know how to do is hurt people. I have the biggest urge to just...okay even typing it feels weird. But I just want to cut deep into arm popping my veins and just not wake up tomorrow. It's hard to explain, it's a urge...not a want....an overwhelming urge...a need. It takes up every aspect of life. at least mine. it's horrible. But it's the life line to my sad existence. I look at people and see how happy they are and how easy it is for them to be themselves. I try, i try really fucking hard to stand out so that I wont feel alone. I mean I like the way I dress but I do it so that I wont feel alone even if the attention is negative. idk, I'm lost,...I feel like since I don't have someone to care me that nothing is worth while. Because that's true. if you dont have someone then youll spend your life being alone and that is not a life at all. If I'm alone then I dont see a point in existence. idk. Ill leave this at this.