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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kiba, Apr 15, 2011.

  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Just.. depressed.. idk.. birthday wasn't that great.. not that it really is any year.. :(

    I also had a small amount of weed.. tho I haven't really smoked weed too much. I know it makes me depressed. Don't know why I smoked it tonight.. Oh well.. My mind is just.. repeating.. "Just kill me..." Even tho I really don't want to die. Seems anytime now that things get overwhelming or hard to deal with my mind automatically repeats that.. No matter of I'm really suicidal or not. Maybe it's just chronic.. idk..

    Think I'm glad my birthday is over.. :badday:

    Wish there was really anything I could say I wanted.. At the moment all I feel is really depressed.. :(

    I wish I knew what else to put here.. but for the moment I'm so depressed I'm not even really wanting to even write this.. Just want to sit I guess.. :(
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    So tired.. But I can't sleep. And I really don't want to move, but I don't want to be alone.. ugh.. :( Just sitting in chat.. I don't want to bother anyone with my stuff so I'm just sitting.. I've not been this depressed in a while.. My mouth hurts from the frown I'm making right now and I feel like I could actually cry if I wanted to.. :cry: My mind repeating "I want to die" but really its just chronic that it repeats that whenever I get really depressed or overwhelmed.. Not actually serious about it.. It's I guess been made chronic after 4yrs and 30+ attempts at my life.. And only since being off medications in December have I even reached the 4 months of no serious attempts. Prior, I was attempting pretty much at least once a month..