i don't know what to do. and there is nothing that can help me. i have been to the psychologist, i have been in hospital several times, but nothing has changed. maybe everything even got worst. nobody can help me and i don't know why i'm writing here right now, but i was thinking that maybe here is someone who knows what i have to do. i know, that's stupid when i think like that. because i know that there is no help and i will be gone in nearest two months or something. i have tried to commit suicide but somehow i still live, because i've always survived. and now i just thought that very soon i'll do it again, and i will do it in way where i could never survive orsmth, i already know how. i read one thing what someone writed to me and i understood that if people are ment to be dead then they just kill themselves and nothing can change their mind. and i don't know.. just wanted to wrote here.