Hello, I'm new to this site so I would just like to greet everyone. I'm sure this post will be long and boring so feel free to skip to the end where the question is if boring stuff turns you off... I think I must have deleted the first few words at least a dozen times now. To be honest I had a lot in mind when I decided to write but now that my fingers are actually moving I'm kind of discouraged. I guess I'll just start at the problem. I'm sad. I'm incredibly sad every day for hours on end, I don't know why, the smallest of things make me lie in my bedroom and stare at the ceiling and think. I don't know if that's insecurity or not, to be honest I don't really know exactly what it is. I feel like crying for no reason often, more so recently. There are times when I look at the world and see great hope and others when I can't see a point to anything I'm doing. So there's a story, I'm not sure how long it will be, I'll try to keep it as short as I can. There was a close female friend interested in starting a relationship some time ago but I turned her down. Some time passed and I realize now that it was a stupid thing to do but it's too late for regrets now. She doesn't look at me that way anymore because there's another person. She jokingly said the other day that I 'ditched her' a year ago and I'm not sure how to put it. You know that feeling when someone says something that's supposed to come off as playful but you know that a part of them is being serious. That. I know I was wrong and the hurt I'm feeling now is only fair, she must have felt the same at one time or the other. I know I'll get over it someday but right now it's just painful, I'm jealous, I fall over myself when we speak, I'm nervous around her and feel like my feelings are written all over my face. Just recently I went to college to ask about a few courses I failed and was told I would have to complete the course a year late, I'm 18 at the moment. I feel like...I'm off track, behind my friends. Should I be so saddened by this? I'm bored to death. I don't really like video games that much and I'm the type of person that starts a task with a lot of enthusiasm but never seems to finish. All the things I used to be passionate about seem boring and pointless. Is my perspective narrow because I feel depressed? I could go on about how dull I feel about everything but I'd hate to complain more than I already have. So the question. I know there are a lot of people out there that are a little older and have more experience than I do. Is graduating a year late from college something to be sad about? What was life like for your during your college years? I think if I were to commit suicide I would just shrug and do it quietly. Hard things, easy things, it feels like I just do them all with the same blank attitude, I can't even remember the last time I felt myself genuinely smile. What do you guys live for? I don't have any children and am currently single. It feels like at this rate I'll just get an ordinary job, marry an ordinary woman, have ordinary kids and live an ordinary life like at least two billion other people alive today. I don't really hate people or anything like that, I care about some people and some people care about me. I'm just....sad. Can anyone that's been through something similar help me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for the length of this post, if you made it all the way to end I thank you for putting up with my gloom and vanity for that long.