If anyone remembers me.....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Entity, Aug 24, 2009.

  1. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    Hey to all who actually still care.. and others.
    My life was actually getting better. but not for long i guess.. i still feel like this..
    I got to move away from my mother.. and Derek...
    But i also moved away from my babysister.. Hannah...
    I left her with my mom.. how selfish am i.. i left her there to put up with the emotional abuse of my mom by herself.. and guess what.. i can't even call and talk to her now.. and if by chance i actually get to talk to her.. My mom is sitting right there with her.. distracting her.. tickling and talking to her.. and then says she has to go.. I will get to see her a day and a half every month.. congrats me... And now.. i'm getting so far into depression..i don't even care if i get to talk to her or not. But then again.. everything in my day almost always revolves around her. Today is the first day of school. She is in second grade. :) She made it so far, i am so proud of her. But its the first time in a good 3 years? I haven't read the book Goodnight Moon before bed, on the night before school. I haven't read Dancing Dinos Go to School and Froggy goes to School on the morning of the first day. I haven't been able to make her lunch and put that special note in her lunch box. Haven't been able to take those first day of school photos. Haven't been able to hold her hand and walk down the driveway to the bustop with her. Wave goodbye as the bus pulls away..I can't wait for her to get off the bus in the afternoon.. and tell me all about her day.. I can't sit and do her homework with her.. i can't cuddle up in bed with her and wait for her to fall asleep.. I can't sing lullabies and read bedtime stories can't do a monster check.. can't tuck her in and kiss her forehead..and some of you may be reading this wondering if i am her mom.. ha.. i sure as hell acted like i was.. and now its like i lost a daughter.. and it hurts...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey i hope now for you is that you can get strong away from all abuse. I hope you can talk with your therapist or doctors and get on medication to stop your depression. Your little sister will need you always so get strong and well so you can go back and read her stories be a part of her life . Get strong for her and for you as well. She will need her big sister to always be there Please continue to get help for yourself stay strong okay.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey how can I forget one of my favorite chocolate bars in the whole world!! (lol)
    I know the pain is overwhelming. I've felt it when my ex got custody of 2 of my children. But you need to look at a few things as good. You will get to see her for a little time each month. Those moments will become as precious all the days you already shared. And hun those can become just your moments. Get a few new books, that only you and her will share. Take her for picnics or a movie anything that will keep that bond strong. And above all let her know you still do and always will love her. That you will be there for her if she ever needs you. That she can talk to you about anything. And at the end of your visit let her know how great the time together was. As for the time between visits, that is for you. A chance to get help and support from your doctor or therapist or here. A chance to build yourself up so you can enjoy the time you will have with her. Good luck hun.
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I don't remember you, maybe I never even knew you, but that is not important.

    What is important is that we want what is best for you and will support you in good times and bad. Hope that coming back will be beneficial to you.

    Take care.

  5. CPessimist

    CPessimist Well-Known Member

    I does remembers you.

    Sorry about losing your sister of sorts, you're a very caring person and I'm sure it doesn't feel good, but cherish the short amounts of time you do get with her.
  6. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Katie!!!!!!!!!!! :hug:
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :wub: you katie :flowers:
  8. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I hope things take a better turn for you soon. :hug:
  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    :wub: ya Katie
  10. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    Katie!!!! :wub: :hug: This must be really hard for u.... I love u lots!!! :hug:
  11. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    Katie, of course we remember you!
    Although I haven't lost a sister in the way you have, I have just recently kinda lost my niece. I have only seen twice in the past two months and it is killing me. I'm missing her and her brother so much. I didnt treat them like nieces or nephews they were more like younger brother and sister to me. IF you need to chat babe, i'm here.
    You wont be the only one feeling like you have lost some thing, I'm sure your younger sister is missing you too. Just enjoy every moment you can when you see her.
    We love you!