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If I could only find the words

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#1
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There is so much going on. I believe it is impossible to sort this all out. I'm trying to find the words that best describe how I feel. I do know one thing for sure. I will always stand alone. Oh I have a therapist I can talk to, but hey lets face it that is once a week and they are paid to care. Besides all that he is leaving. Unfortunately they have found no one to take his place. So alone again I am.

All I can see is that I have made myself a mess, and I cannot manage to put things back together again. My physical, mental, emotional, and financial self is in utter turmoil. I am trying to work. I am not even trying to work full time. I would like only 25 hrs a week, and I can't even get that. I've lost the respect of my daughter. This pains me terribly. I had to give up a baby over a year ago. Oh, I still get to see him, but he is not here with me as he should be. Physically, I have alot of problems that I cannot afford to get addressed. My heart is growing weak. Mentally, I cannot stay in the program for too long. I was recently dxd with dissociative d/o and it is only gettin' worse. Then there is the emotional that is totally consuming me. Little things I cannot even seem to handle. Things I use to be able to stand up to are now tearing me apart.

I decided many years ago that it was time to take my life. I knew that the drama I had already been through was never going to stop. I'll be damned if I wasn't right. It's just time I need to finish what I started many years ago.
 
#2
Hey. Sounds like things are really falling apart for you, and I'm sorry to hear it.

But, never is any situation completely hopeless and never should you give up.

If you need someone to talk to, I certainly am willing to hear you out!
 
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