[/B There is so much going on. I believe it is impossible to sort this all out. I'm trying to find the words that best describe how I feel. I do know one thing for sure. I will always stand alone. Oh I have a therapist I can talk to, but hey lets face it that is once a week and they are paid to care. Besides all that he is leaving. Unfortunately they have found no one to take his place. So alone again I am. All I can see is that I have made myself a mess, and I cannot manage to put things back together again. My physical, mental, emotional, and financial self is in utter turmoil. I am trying to work. I am not even trying to work full time. I would like only 25 hrs a week, and I can't even get that. I've lost the respect of my daughter. This pains me terribly. I had to give up a baby over a year ago. Oh, I still get to see him, but he is not here with me as he should be. Physically, I have alot of problems that I cannot afford to get addressed. My heart is growing weak. Mentally, I cannot stay in the program for too long. I was recently dxd with dissociative d/o and it is only gettin' worse. Then there is the emotional that is totally consuming me. Little things I cannot even seem to handle. Things I use to be able to stand up to are now tearing me apart. I decided many years ago that it was time to take my life. I knew that the drama I had already been through was never going to stop. I'll be damned if I wasn't right. It's just time I need to finish what I started many years ago.