Like many here, I am suicidal, have a plan in place, but am scared it could go wrong. (I once knew a young man, barely out of his teens, who spent his life since paralysed from the neck down ) I don't know if that fear will stop me in the end. Like many here, I long for death in the way most people long for new cars, shoes, whatever. But I'm wondering, what if I decided to live? What could I do? My life has too many problems, most of which i lack the resources to solve. I have no close friends. And it all just seems pointless and meaningless. Actually, I could possibly put up with the lack of meaning (just about) if it weren't for the misery caused by circumstances beyond my control; and the self-hatred. I've been looking at Existentialism, and it has some interesting ideas. (And some naff ones too!). But I just don't get how we are supposed to create meaning. But say I chose to go on and find a way, what could I do? I am sick to death (haha) of hearing about mindfulness and acceptance; truly I will scream if I hear about those again! But where could I begin to make life over, given I feel it's not worth it, and given i will still be me whatever i do? I'm not asking for a magical answer. I know those don't exist. But seriously, where could I begin if I chose to?