I'm so scared of myself. one part of me thinks i can be happy one day and normal. the other part.......the other part tells me i'm fat, repulsive, ugly, worthless and pointless. i am so close to taking an overdose or cutting my wrists. i can't see myself ever being happy. i thought i'd be happy in a relationship, because i thought if someone loved me, i would be ok. but i know he's just using me for sex. he doesn't care about my feelings. i'm repulsive. why would someone care about me?! if i died tonight. these feelings will die too. and maybe i'll be happy. i stuck a razor in my mouth last night. to try and stop me eating. it didnt work, i just bled alot. do you know what was really a kick in the teeth? going to a psychologist and telling her how i felt. and her cancelling all my appointments and never getting back in touch. and my mom getting over the fact i just let home by going on holiday with someone elses kids. even though shes NEVER offered to go on holiday with me. i just...i just need this to end. this fight in my head.