If I don't believe in God...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by strugglingtolive, Nov 20, 2010.

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  1. I was raised to believe in God. Because of how many times I've been fucked over in the last five years without deserving it as a direct result of attending some church events, Therefore, I don't think I can believe in God anymore. If He was real, he wouldn't have put me in contact with people that would cause such shit to happen to me.

    So the question arises, why kill myself? Why not go and xxxxx? If I don't go to jail and there is no God, then why not at least xxx of the people who have fucked me over? I dream of xxx them and I think I could xxxxwithout being caught. Fuck you and you and you and you.

    It doesn't mean I can't kill myself later.

    Thoughts?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2010
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Let me get this straight, the only reason you have not become a mass murderer thus far is belief in some magical omnipotent being that will reward not doing so?
     
  3. I'm going downhill again. Right now my mood is that I want to kill some people. I know that this is usually followed by darkness... deep... deep... darkness...

    If I talk to my doctor, will he refuse to give me the ambien I need to sleep at night? Do I care?

    I said a prayer to God yesterday. I asked him to please, please kill me and xxxx so that I wouldn't leave anybody behind. Why? WHY? WHY is the world so full of shitty people.

    I'm the victim of a Ponzi scheme and have lost everything. I'm also currently a victim of extortion but can't do anything about it. I also was told this week that my entire company is being outsourced to India and I have to train the replacements.

    I hate this world. What did I ever do to deserve this other than to be a trusting, gullible, naive person. Why are there so many shitty people in this world.

    Why? Kill me... Please just kill me.
     
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  4. I've been visualizing ways to kill myself all week. My current best idea is to xxxx as possible, but before they have a chance to do anything xxxx. My thought is that if I do that there is no way I can survive. I don't want to fail at yet another thing....

    The other thing I'm contemplating is where... I don't want my wife or 3 year old to find me. I'm very tempted to go to the morgue with my picture, my business card, and a note. xxxxx myself. This way they won't need anybody to idenfity me and my wife and kid won't see me.

    Of course then my wife and kids won't get life insurance.... xxxxx???
     
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  5. I don't know... I just don't know... It really has hit me in the last few minutes that I could kill myself tonight. I really could just do it. I probably won't.... I'm such a xxxx. But why not???? Why not??? Why not???

    I'm fucking panicking....

    I can do it....... oh God...

    I can pull out of this... I can I can... I'm so sorry if anybody is reading this... I just am struggling so badly... I can't even believe I'm writing this...

    I won't do it... I'm too much of a failure to do it...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2010
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. I hope that you can give God another chance. Jesus actually hated the idea of organized religion and how the High Priests were running the church at the time. I pray that you can get some help before you harm yourself or harm others.
     
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