I am having a really rough day... week... month... year.... LIFE. I can't even stand to look at myself anymore. I feel like all I ever do is let everyone down. I spend nearly every minute of my life trying to help my disabled daddy and keep my own family going, running after everyone and trying to be there for everyone... trying SO hard to hold my head high and put my big girl boots back on, but I am tired of trying so hard while all I ever get is more criticism. More complaining. I am stretched to the limit physically, emotionally, and financially. Nothing I do ever seems to be good enough anymore. I find myself locked in the bathroom or bedroom fighting with myself about just freakin ending it all. To be honest, the only reason I don't do it right now is that I have failed at my past attempts, and I am actually afraid to screw it up and end up being more of a burden to people. And I dont want to go back to the hospital. I can't. I just want to close it all out. I feel such anger and resentment. I am nothing but a damn doormat. Anytime I stand up for myself, I hear "did u forget to take ur meds?" UGH. My husband doesn't even sleep with me anymore most nights. We used to be SO inlove, but now, he doesn't even kiss me goodbye. I feel like he hates me. I feel like I have let him, and everyone else down. I just want to scream! I want SO badly to just lose control, give in to it, and let the rest of the world rot. I can feel myself closing up. Like a turtle in it's protective shell. Keeping the world out. I am so tired of fighting it.